Is the source of yearning for connection on a human level the same as longing for God on a spiritual level? The urge for connection is pre-thought, pre-psychological. It begins at birth when we first experience separateness. Practice is about patterning the nervous system to let go. When we can sit in the center of the storm of our feelings, we can be with suffering and with "what is" in a way that does not seek fulfillment. To come to acceptance doesn't always happen gracefully. To go fully into yearning—a process that happens over and over—leads to shattering, which is a doorway to reassembling without the same identification. We may yearn for love and project that we’ll be satisfied on a human level and find that we long for love on a much deeper level. Acceptance of every part of us, and of the masculine and feminine, brings us to the next level. Suffering doesn’t end when we accept suffering, but something shifts. Longing and suffering co-exist. It feels different when we are able to ride the waves of heartbreak. The ability to hold personal and universal suffering is needed in the world. Hate is projection of suffering onto others; realizing this helps us to be compassionate. Clinging is part of life and never disappears, but our work with it can be incorporated into practice. We need a strong matrix to hold longing. In each incarnation we may have one destiny to fulfill, which involves use of the body. We don’t read a book to experience the wine; we empty our cup and drink the wine. Longing is satisfied in the longing itself. Letting go of expectations opens us to a commitment to love. We can work with desire and identity, letting go again and again. To honor longing is not a casual choice. Debbie Hogeland-Celebucki is an advocate for the wisdom of community and conscious parenting and the author of Widening the Circle: Inspiration and Guidance for Community Living.
