No stress, just being clear on what you want and asking for it.
Sounds simple, eh?
This episode walks you through how easy it can actually be.
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Mentioned in this episode:
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Transcript:
Clarity of messaging is so important. And that sounds kind of formal, a bit intimidating maybe, but honestly I don’t mean it to be. When you boil it down, it’s about knowing what you want or need and being able to simply say it.
So while I normally get all PR-ish and strategic when I talk about messaging and the like, today I want to reframe it and have a look at knowing what you want and need, and asking for it. Clearly and simply.
INTRO
Now, in addition to me usually being very clinical - straightforward and I have had someone comment on my use of statistics, I like evidence based stuff, what can I say? This episode is coming from the gut, I promise not to throw numbers at you or reference any studies. Are you feeling relieved?
I feel like oftentimes we are kind of free floating through life, you know? Like, you know you have to make sales to get money to pay your bills and buy a coffee Saturday morning when you go out for a walk. You know you need to post on social media and have something for sale, and talk about it, entice people in. You probably know you have to forge some partnerships, make some connections, collaborate in order to grow but it kinda just stays there in your mind. You know these things are good things but knowing and doing don’t always meet up. And without the doing, you don’t receive.
So how do you fix that?
The starting point for me is the purpose or intention, the need or the want. You can’t go off doing things without a reason, otherwise you’re wasting time and energy. I hate to nail myself down to something like I need to make $500 from this product by the end of the week, that creates pressure and stress; it comes from a place of lack which is never a great place to be, but it’s important to be clear in your mind on what you want so try: I’m paying that bill before it’s due or I’m getting a new client this week. Or it could be as simple as I’m starting a business that helps these particular people with this particular challenge.
That doesn’t feel too scary, does it? Not a ton of pressure on yourself in any of those intentions, right? And note the language is all present tense, it is happening. That also feels nicer because it’s like a foregone conclusion.
So what is it that you intend to accomplish? It might not even be an action, it might be a feeling or desire that you want to imprint on others, but there is an intention there that will guide your actions. You have to be clear on that piece, the intention. If you don't know what you want, how will you know when you’ve got it?
Once you have that intention, and I am trying so hard not to say goal here, the urge to be strategic complete with jargon is huge. But I’ll stick with intention or purpose. Once you have that, it clears up where you’ll look for the opportunities or resources you’ll need. If you want to get really woo, that clarity of intention will allow the universe to come in and fulfill it with you. I say with you because you always have to put some effort in, you need to show that you’re invested and willing to work. So where will you look?
Most people I find are resorting to Facebook, I mean there are a million groups out there - including the Connections Coffee & Confidence Community which you are welcome to join. But you’re more than likely to find a group, a company, an event, a something that suits your purpose on Facebook or it’s sister platform Instagram. Or any other social media. But let’s not forget other options. It could be through volunteering, through the local newspaper, the radio, YouTube or even a podcast. Google what you’re looking for and just see what comes up? There could be a book or a documentary that gives you an idea that sends you down a new path. Like maybe you’re meant to write a book or create a documentary? I don’t know but you are merely looking at the opportunities right now, not ruling anything in or out.
And don’t forget people. I am the one they used to giggle at in my last office because I was known for connecting people with articles, programs, resources, whatever. If I knew you were interested in or needed or were working on something, and I saw a related article for example, I’d email it to you. And there are others like me - you might be one or know one yourself? A connector. People can be a valuable source of opportunities. But I know that sometimes it’s hard to connect in person and that leads me to the next step.
Asking. Ugh. This might actually be the hardest part of the whole process. Asking for what you want. Or even just saying, out loud or in writing, what you are seeking. Does that feel gross for you? Even just the thought of asking for the sale, asking for the referral, asking for the raise if you’re still working for someone else. Saying you want an opportunity, that you want to try, that you are the right person for the job?
I get that, right in my heart. In my gut. To me this is often the hardest and the piece I’ve been working the most on. And there are probably a few reasons this piece is hard but I find that when you strip away the layers, emotions and attachment are revealed at the core.
What if they say no. How would that feel? And chances are that the ickiness of that feeling, even the anticipation of that feeling, is enough to add hesitancy into our ask.
Some of this can be alleviated by remaining in the moment and revising the way we set out our purpose; like I said earlier, not putting the stress of a very finite and absolute expectation on ourselves. Because then there is a very clear idea as to what constitutes failure.
Side note, it’s not a failure. I guarantee it’s not, I don’t even know the circumstances and I can tell you it’s not. It’s a learning experience and as much as you may want to roll your eyes and snort at that sentence, it actually is. And sometimes we need to have a few of those experiences before we can even realize that we’ve survived - and that realization on its own is a massive shift.
But if we are able to detach ourselves from the ask, then the ask is easier to do. I attended a masterclass with Heather McGregor who is an empowerment coach, she works with people around their money mindset but does it from the standpoint of energetic flow. I’ll leave a link to her in the shownotes and if you ever get a chance to do one of her meditations, do it. She’s wonderful. But anyway, she speaks a lot about detaching from your money story, and a lot of your other stories that honestly we all hold on to. Be it that it’s not nice to ask; or well, I told them what I do they can ask me if they need me; or who am I to ask them. Stories.
This is where I like to have my story straight, so to speak. When I was younger, earlier in my career, I would actually write down what I wanted to say or what I needed the other person to think by the time we got off the phone and I would have it in front of me. Talk about clarity of intention and being present in that moment. I didn’t want to waste people’s time by floating through a phone call, I wanted to make sure that when the time in the conversation came for me to fulfill my intention for picking up the phone, I was ready.
And when you’re clear on that intention and have separated your feelings from the ask, the ask is easier.
But what about the answer?
Again, this is where all the other pieces to this flow continue to have a knock on impact. If you haven’t tied yourself to a narrow outcome, if you’ve been open eyed while looking at your opportunities, separated yourself from the question and just asked clearly and simply, well, the answer is what it is. Because you weren’t tied to an outcome, remember. That was one ask and you don’t know what’s coming down the road. You may have planted a seed, you may have asked a connector who won’t say anything to you but might know someone who really would fit your offer. You might be at a dead end with that particular ask and then it’s a learning situation. Whatever it is, it’s ok.
I’m bumping up against a lot of people who are having trouble asking and, on the opposite side of spectrum, those who ask beautifully. Where you truly feel they are just putting it out there and are happy with whatever answer they get, they are comfortable that their intentions will be met. Their purpose fulfilled. I’m working my way down that continuum. And make no mistake, it’s work. But I have seen some really amazing things happen for those people who simply ask and I want that for you.
So the next time you need to ask for something, try being clear on the big picture of what you intend as a result, don’t tie yourself down. Look for the opportunities and when they present themselves, detach the emotion and ask. Then, hit me on Instagram at janiceefogarty and let me know how it went. I’m always in the mood to celebrate people seeing their chance and taking it. Until next week.
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