Bidders (Saoirse Ronan, Cecily Strong, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones, Aidy Bryant) go crazy after Chad (Pete Davidson) shows off some hidden talents.
https://snltranscripts.jt.org/17/bachelor-auction.phtml
5 (1)
Mikey Day
Brandon… Beck Bennett
Melissa Villaseñor
Chad… Pete Davidson
Sylvia… Cecily Strong
Cecil… Kate McKinnon
Patty… Aidy Bryant
Leslie Jones
Peg… Saoirse Ronan
Kenan Thompson
John McEnroe
[Starts with Mikey hosting an auction. Brandon is standing with Mikey on the stage.]
Mikey: Going once. Going twice. Whoa, sold for a whopping $1,600. Congratulations to this lovely young lady at table six. You have won breakfast in a private tennis lesson with our head instructor Brandon.
Brandon: Heads up. I’m gonna make you sweat.
Melissa: At breakfast?
Brandon: No. The tennis lesson.
Mikey: Okay. You two, go see Dana to set that date. $1,600 is the biggest take so far in our Orange Park Acres Tennis Club bachelor auction. Remember, all proceeds from tonight go to our club youth traveling team. So, keep those bids coming. Our next tennis club bachelor works at the club pro shop. It’s Chad. [Chad walks in] You may know Chad from vaping in the parking lot. You’re bidding on a lunch with Chad. So, we’ll start the bidding at, I don’t know, fifty bucks. Sounds good, Chad?
Chad: Okay.
Mikey: Alright. Do I hear fifty?
[Cut to the ladies]
Sylvia: Oh my god. There is something about that boy. $fifty.
Peg: 100.
Sylvia: 500.
Leslie: 1,000.
[Cut to Mikey and Chad]
Mikey: Wow, Chad’s a hit. Anything to keep those bids coming, man? You got any hidden talents, Chad?
Chad: Um, I made up the dance called ‘Doink Doink’.
Mikey: Alright, let’s see it.
Chad: Okay. [starts dancing] Doink Doink Doink Doink Doink Doink Doink Doink.
[Cut to the ladies]
Sylvia: Oh my god. The Doink Doink is amazing.
Peg: Yes. We have eyes, Sylvia.
Cecil: $5,000.
Sylvia: Oh, typical Cecil. Jump in the action’s hot.
Peg: $10,000, and I’ll raise myself to 15. I must have the Doink Doink.
Patty: Go home, ladies. Patty has come to play. Damn $30,000.
Peg: $50,000. And that’s a bargain.
Cecil: Look, I am willing to go to six figures, but I need more. What else does Chad bring to the table?
[Cut to Mikey and Chad]
Mikey: [to Chad] Um, any other talents, Chad?
Chad: Um, I could do an impression of Jim Carrey as the Grinch.
[Cut to the ladies]
Sylvia: Oh, Jesus, this place is going to explode.
Peg: $100,000. I don’t even need to hear it.
Cecil: What if it’s not good?
Sylvia: Of course, it will be good. It’s Chad, you cow!
...
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
