A father (Chris Rock) objects to the suggestive dancing his 15-year-old daughter (Sasheer Zamata) is doing on her live-streaming video dance vlog and wants to know what YouTube commenters mean by "fap." [Season 40, 2014]
https://snltranscripts.jt.org/14/dance-vlog.phtml
Janelle… Sasheer Zamata
Teddy Pascalis… Kyle Mooney
Dad… Chris Rock
Michael… Jay Pharoah
[Starts with Jannele starting her youtube video]
Janelle: What’s up YouTube? It’s your girl Janelle, A.K.A. Nasty-nelle, A.K.A. Janelle. And I’m pumped to bring you my Dad00th dance tutorial. Shoutout to whoever started that countdown to my Janelle8th birthday. Don’t know what that’s about but whatever. We’re live streaming today, so holla at me in the comment section. And holla at my best friend, he’s one of my day ones. His name is Teddy Pascalis, A.K.A. Pants Gets Wets.
Teddy Pascalis: Nobody calls me that anymore.
Janelle: Yes they do. Anyway, we’re gonna learn the Nae Nae today. A move that came from early African dance, or Miley Cyrus.
[Teddy Pascalis walks in front of the camera]
Teddy Pascalis: Yes, and just so you guys know, dancing is one of my biggest fears. Right after spiders and my older brother Dyan. But I’ll do it for you. [stares at Janelle] I’ll do anything for you.
Janelle: [not noticing] I know, you say it everyday. Okay, [music starts] in order to Nae Nae, [Janelle and Teddy Pascalis stand to dance] you gotta put one arm up like this, right? Teddy, put a little higher. Now, start moving your hips. It’s real easy. All right, get in there. [Janelle is dancing but Teddy Pascalis is just moving his body.] [Dad opens the door and enters the room]
Dad: Hey, hey, Janelle. You’re Janelle5 now. You cannot have the door closed. And there’s a boy in your room. Dad! Oh my god! [music stops] He’s not a boy. He’s just Teddy.
Teddy Pascalis: Yeah.
Janelle: Can you please leave? It’s live streaming.
Dad: Oh, I’m not going anywhere. Your brother told me you’re up here dancing on the internet.
[Michael peeking from the door]
Michael: I did. I told on you. Ooh! You in trouble. Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Dad: Michael! Go sweep the driveway.
Michael: Dad! That’s not even a real chore.
Dad: What’s all this?
Janelle: Those are my fans, dad. They are just commenting on the video.
Dad: Okay. [Dad comes close to the computer] Who is Nuggettugget9-5, and why is he saying, “#woodbang”? What the hell is fap? I’m fapping. She makes me wanna fap. Michael! [Michael runs in] What’s fap mean?
Michael: Um, it’s what you caught me doing in my bedroom and we still haven’t talked about it.
[Michael runs out]
Dad: What? Hey, no fapping!
Janelle: Dad, you’re embarrassing me in front of my just my friend.
Teddy Pascalis: I love you.
Janelle: Argh! Dad, can I just finish doing the Nae Nae?
[Janelle starts dancing a little]
Dad: That’s too grown!
Janelle: Okay fine. I’ll show you guys the copperhead. It’s easy. It’s like a standing push up. I barely even move.
Dad: I’m watching you.
...
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