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A married woman (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) has a hard time ending her affair with the pool boy (Pete Davidson). Special appearance by Nick Jonas. [Season 41, 2016]

https://snltranscripts.jt.org/16/affair-with-chad.phtml

Affair with Chad

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Chad… Pete Davidson

Miss Hanler… Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Toby… Nick Jonas

[Starts with Chad cleaning the pool listening to the music] [Miss Hanler gets back home]

Miss Hanler: Chad! Chad!

Chad: [turns around] Wad up, miss Hanler?

[Chad walks in]

Hey.

Miss Hanler: Oh, my god.

[Chad and Miss Hanler start kissing]

Oh, oh. No, no Chad. We can’t do this anymore.

Chad: Oh, okay.

[Chad turns around and walks]

Miss Hanler: Wait. I couldn’t sleep last night.

Chad: Oh, I hate that.

Miss Hanler: What am I doing? Am I some bored housewife who is having an affair with her 23 year old poolboy? I mean, [hand gesturing] what is this?

Chad: Your kitchen.

Miss Hanler: No. I mean us. I really hope you understand that we have to end this.

Chad: Okay.

[Cut to Miss Hanler walking in her kitchen talking]

Miss Hanler: God, I had no idea it would be this hard. It’s just when we first–

[engine noise] [Cut to Chad. He is already at the pool outside cleaning it.]

Chad!

Chad: Wad up?

Miss Hanler: You deserve an explaination.

Chad: Oh, okay. Cool.

[Chad turns the engine off and walks in]

Miss Hanler: Look. You’ve done nothing wrong. Okay? I should have known better. But I don’t know. It was just– it was fun. It was new.

Chad: Okay.

Miss Hanler: But my god, I’m a married woman with three kids. My husband’s in the city council. I’ve put PTA present in at Melony’s school.

Chad: Who is Melony?

Miss Hanler: My daughter.

Chad: Okay.

Miss Hanler: God, if this got out it would just ruin my life. Our family’s lives.

Chad: Ah, my bad.

Miss Hanler: But all I want to do is clear the bags off this table and take me right down.

Chad: Okay.

[Chad starts putting the bags down.]

Miss Hanler: But you can’t.

Chad: Oh, okay.

[Chad puts the bags back on the table.]

Miss Hanler: Because I’ve learned that sometimes getting what you want means losing what you already have. [takes an envelope out] Look, I wrote this for you last night.

Chad: Oh, okay. [takes the envelope.]

Miss Hanler: Oh my god, I’m blushing. [closing eyes] I just want you to know that I’m not a very good writer. I mean it’s not sophisticated but it’s how I feel. I mean every word of what I wrote.

...


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