This podcast kicks off with a discussion about the new Pope, a topic the host, Mr. X, is somewhat disappointed by, as he was eager for speculation before a selection was made. Mr. X introduces himself and highlights his decision to maintain anonymity, humorously contrasting it with his cohost, Caleb, who he claims has "nothing going on" in his life – so little, in fact, you could only squat in his house to annoy him, like a "certain dehydration device." This leads to a tangent about dehumidifiers and making beef jerky, with Mr. X comically suggesting Caleb is literally eating his room and becoming jerky himself. Mr. X clarifies his comment about Caleb's lack of activity isn't an insult but recognition of his "own man" status, free from the "wage slave society" and powering his podcast setup with the sun, a practice Mr. X finds "unwholesome."
Controversially, Mr. X declares he "hates" Indian people, leading to a discussion about the India-Pakistan conflict, which the cohost explains is largely rooted in religious differences. Mr. X then questions which body part Pakistanis might be cooking to anger Indians and makes further jokes about Indians being "smelly and racist," before admitting he forgot his original point about them. He later recalls it was about their supposed lack of common sense, a notion he reconsiders after interacting with Europeans, deciding common sense is unique to the U.S. and Europeans are "morons." He also recounts an experience in Japan where people disliked being questioned, attributing it to anxiety.
The cohost mentions India and Pakistan's nuclear capabilities, which Mr. X finds alarming, joking about them launching missiles at each other and calling their weaponization "insane."
Moving to space, the cohost shares a fact about a Mars mountain so vast you wouldn't realize you're at the peak due to the planet's curvature. Mr. X is captivated, finding it "insane" and "sweet," and expresses his admiration for Mars and its conspiracies, particularly those suggesting past life or a lone surviving creature. He humorously imagines this creature as a lonely Martian who couldn't find a partner.
Another fact reveals kidney transplant recipients end up with three kidneys, which Mr. X finds astonishing and jokes about exploiting this information.
The cohost shares a fact about King Charles having a car fueled by wine. Mr. X finds this hilariously wasteful and envisions a comical scene of him refueling with giant wine barrels.
Returning to the Pope, the cohost announces the new Pope is American. Mr. X is delighted, imagining a Pope with an American accent and openness to the LGBTQ+ community. However, he quickly speculates he'll be a "snooty fruit loop." He discusses his missed opportunity to note down another speculated candidate during the papal selection process, joking about a potential "Chinese Pope" named Spicy Ying. Mr. X mentions viral images of Snoop Dogg at the conclave with weed and Trump as the Pope, finding the latter disrespectful despite Trump's social media efforts. He asserts the Pope is merely a man and that, based on the facts, he could "body" the 69-year-old pontiff.
Mr. X expresses his preference for an American Pope who embraces American symbols and perhaps even karate. He concludes by mentioning some of his fears, including a fear of not having common sense (except when stranded at sea) and a strong aversion to the thought of being surgically cut open and having body parts stuffed inside. The podcast ends with Mr. X stating that's all for now and they'll see the listeners next week.
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