Description

Forget talking snakes and magical arks—First Maccabees is an actual history book, and the hosts are weirdly excited about that. In this episode, they crack open the world between the Old and New Testaments: Greek rule over Judea, Antiochus IV Epiphanes nicknaming himself “God made visible,” bans on circumcision, Torah, and Sabbath, and the brutal attempt to erase Jewish identity. Out of that mess comes a priestly family—the Hasmoneans, a.k.a. the Maccabees—who basically say “absolutely not” and launch a guerrilla revolt that eventually gives us Hanukkah.

The hosts dig into why First Maccabees is one of the most historically reliable texts of the ancient world, why it’s in Catholic Bibles but not the Jewish Tanakh, and why Protestants shove it into the apocrypha like a theological junk drawer. They also connect the dots from ancient “forced assimilation into Greek culture” to modern Christian nationalism, religious freedom vs freedom from religion, and how knowing the Bible actually helps them survive conversations with MAGA relatives without flipping a table. There’s even talk of attending a Christmas Catholic Mass—not for Jesus, but for the pageantry and anthropological vibes.

If you want a snarky, atheist breakdown of how a scrappy Jewish revolt helped set the stage for Christianity—and how that history still echoes in today’s politics—this is your on-ramp. Listen, rage, laugh, and then go argue with your uncle more effectively.

👉 Listen now at sacrilegiousdiscourse.com

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📌 Topics Covered:

• Who the hell the Maccabees are and why their revolt still matters for Hanukkah and Jewish identity
• Antiochus IV Epiphanes (“God made visible”) and the long, proud tradition of authoritarian dudes with god complexes
• Temple desecration, banned circumcisions, and what happens when empire decides your religion is “canceled”
• Why First Maccabees is shockingly solid history instead of mystical nonsense
• How the Hasmonean dynasty mixed priestly and political power—and why later rabbis absolutely hated that
• Why Catholics canonized Maccabees, Jews left it out of the Tanakh, and Protestants downgraded it to “apocrypha, but make it optional”
• Parallels between forced Hellenization and modern Christian nationalism shoving religion into schools, laws, and bodies
• Using Bible literacy as an atheist survival tool for talking to MAGA family without spontaneously combusting

💬 Best Quote from the Episode (Make sure you pull an actual quote from the transcript that's uploaded):

“I hate when I can't chop dicks.” 

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