In my final "Three Men of Color, Reinventing Fatherhood" series, I interviewed Ken Harge, who grew up with a father who was a bully. He says writing saved his life.
Ken (or KLH to his friends) was born and raised in Waterbury, Connecticut, “a big city with a knucklehead mindset,” as he puts it. Although his childhood lacked love and nurturing, he has transformed himself into becoming a highly creative, grounded, and self-aware person who believes his difficult childhood had a reason. Ken knows he is here for something great.
With a book, one-person play, blog, and other creative projects in his back pocket, he is creating a symphony during COVID called “The Healing.” He describes himself as a guy with a lot of opinions about what’s going on in the world today and he’s not afraid to share them.
As a Black man, he has found it heartbreaking to see Black people dying at the hands of police. He is offended when people say or imply that there is no systemic racism.
“All lives matter is almost profane because with very little exception, that tells people to shut up, forget what you’re seeing, and move on.”
He views “all lives matter” as a cowardly way to say that what Black people feel doesn’t matter.
When I interviewed him, Ken was working on an article called “The Notion of Superiority” based on the work of Walter Rodney, a prominent historian with a Ph.D. in African history. Rodney wrote, “The simple fact is that no people can enslave another for four centuries without coming out with a notion of superiority...” Ken elaborates on this concept, making some profound points:
“Some white people complain about protesters rioting and looting, but don’t recognize the reasons why they protest. They say it’s inappropriate and violent. But when Colin Kaepernick peacefully protested police brutality against Black folk, many white people complained about that too. They presumed to be in a position to tell Black folk how they can and cannot express their grievances. Why? There is a ‘notion of superiority.’
Just like a stench that has floated in the air long enough to get used to it, the ‘notion of superiority’ continues to waft in American air...There have been riots, laws passed and enacted, and there has been some positive change. But we still haven’t addressed the stink drifting in the air all around us and so we collectively breathe in the ‘notion of superiority’ of white folk over Black folk..."
He’s used the difficult experiences in his life (including the difficult relationship with his father) to write a one-man play, “You Are Here for Something Great,” and then he wrote a full-length novel based on the play. Right now he’s creating a course to help men develop their self-esteem.
“I think men having self-esteem can literally change the face of the planet,” says Ken. “If men have self-esteem, they don’t smack their wives. They don’t abuse their children. They don’t go out into the street and do violence. I think they don’t even do terrorism. I think it’s only broken men who do those things...It’s never been safe in this world for men to have feelings. We’re taught to suppress them.”
He firmly believes that everything happens for a reason. “If I’d had a lovely supportive mother and father, I would not have turned out to be the creative person I am...I can speak to hurt people, and they know I understand,” he says. “I can speak to lonely people, and they know I know what it is. So it’s all been for a reason.”
Although Ken always wanted to have children, it wasn’t in the cards. So about 10 years ago, he felt called to volunteer with Big Brothers Big Sisters of America. He mentored a young man named Prince. Many years later, Prince turned his life around, is gainfully employed, and recently paid Ken a visit in his new car. Helping this young man create a better life for himself is Ken’s pr
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