Hey bruh, how's the swell today? Gnarly, bruh. Did you hear about the new guy? The guy in the suit with that janky board? I think his name is Johnny Utah. The former star quarterback of the Ohio State Buckeyes that won the Rose Bowl a few years ago over USC but had to retire because of a knee injury, but then he went to law school? Wasn't he in the top 2% at Quantico? I dunno bro, I just know he's been hanging with the Philosopher of the Waves, Bodhi. The Bodhisattva himself? Woah, dude. . . . His house parties are dope, especially the fire-spitters INDOORS. Man, I'm just glad those surfer Nazis, War-Child and Bunker, aren't coming, they always create a scene, man. On an unrelated note, did you hear about those bank robberies by the Ex-Presidents? They're like ghosts, dude.