Communication -How to speak your partner or friends LOVE LANGUAGES
By Gary Chapman "The 5 Love languages" is a book and assessment you can take and its a game changer for unlocking better love and communication in your relationships:
Check it out here: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/
Words of Affirmation- encourage, affirm, appreciate, listen actively — actions you can take: send an unexpected note, card or text
Physical Touch- non verbal use of body language and touch to show love—actions you can take: hugs, kissing, cuddling — i think you know where im going with that lol ,
Receiving Gifts-thoughtfulness make your spouse a priority— actions you can take: give thoughtful gifts and gestures, express gratitude when receiving gifts.
Quality Time- uninterrupted and focused conversations, one on one time is important— actions you can take: create special moments and take walks, small things you can do.
Acts of service- let them know you are wanting to help lighten their load— make them breakfast or dinner, go out of your way to do a chore etc,
Ask yourself what you are doing while having the conversation: What words were you using?What tone of voice did you use? How you were acting? What did your body language.
Listening with empathy involves focusing on what’s going on with your partner. Set your own questions, advice, criticism aside.
What are your triggers ? what are your fears? What are good vs. bad times …. have you eaten? are you tired? stressed at work?
Dr. Phil says that People argue/ talk about the topic not the issue. When you look at the titanic it hits the ice berg is was what was UNDER the water that really mattered and what wrecked the ship.
2 important stats by John Gottman are 5 to 1 and 9 out of 10. He separates couples into what he calls the “masters” and the “disasters.”
5:1 Healthy couples have a 5:1 ratio of compliments compared to negative comments. For every complaint, there are five positive interactions between a couple–
9/10 Healthy couples also respond to their spouse 9 out of every 10 times in which their spouse makes a request for their attention.
Types of Communication:
Passive- find it difficult to assert their needs, difficult to make eye contact, people pleasers, hard to express opinions, boundaries and feelings.
Passive Agressive- deny there is a problem, use sarcasm, guilt trips, backhanded compliments, complain to themself or others rather than confronting the issue at hand.
Agressive- innapropriatley honest, use humiliation to control others, dont listen well and interrupt frequently, speak in absolutes
Assertive- express their needs, desires and boundaries, own their feelings rather than blame others, speak with respect, clear and calm tone of voice, listen without interrupting.
Things that will always show there is trouble in a relationship
*Each of these is the protective response of the ego when it feels threatened
Its not about winning. Effective Communication is not a competition. If nobody is listening and you’ve alienated people because you have to WIN every conversation, you are INNAFFECTIVE.
Matthew 12:37 “But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person”
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Podcast music: Laura Eister
