Here’s what happens when you attempt to stop being busy – you face the dread of having to be with yourself while not distracting yourself from your feelings by having a lot to do. There really is a low-level panic and resistance about not-doing. SO much so that I can’t “do” resting for very long because I feel like I need to do other things. There’s just not enough time to take naps for more than 20 minutes, and taking a nap at all inspires guilty feelings for me because I have such a compulsion to be productive. I haven’t yet successfully convinced myself that a nap is truly productive. That I need every action I take to feel like it produced something says a lot about my state of mind.
We miss out on enjoyable moments when we need to be busy all the time. But divorcing myself from the value of maximum productivity is turning out to be supremely difficult. Perhaps I need to equally cultivate a value of respite, delicious laziness, and calm.
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Thanks for listening!
