CHAPTER 2- HAIL, HAIL PHARAOH
MUSIC, LYRICS AND VOCALS BY BEN CAPLAN
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When my father died, the pharaoh before.
He gave me one command.
He said to me, “Son, it’s your turn to rule
And rule you must with an iron hand.”
So I took his words
And took them to heart.
Enslaving the Jews
Is how I did my part
Now each way you look a pyramid grows
As giant and pointy as each Jewish nose.
Hail, hail Pharaoh our king.
Kiss, kiss his glorious ring.
Each, each, Egyptian will choose
The leader of us and enslaver of Jews
I consider myself quite good at my work.
I’m powerful, but fair. (He’s so fair!)
I listen to all of the Hebrew’s complaints,
Then order the guards throw them out by their hair!
They whine, “We can’t carry
These bricks. It’s genetic!
We’re lazy and weak
And not very athletic.”
So to all of the Jews, I give them this tip
It’s do what I say or here comes the whip!
Hail, Hail, Pharaoh the great
All the Hebrews, we hate.
They’re lazy, we all can agree!
But you get what you pay for when labor is free.
Oh oh oh, is it hard to be the Pharaoh?
No no no, so long as you keep your focus narrow:
Build your empire using slaves
Work them into early graves.
And as long as they’re not underfoot
Then everything will be ser güt!
Now Moses approaches with all his demands
To let his people go
He threatens Egyptians with all kinds of plagues
But I think it’s garbage, and so I say “No.”
The Hebrews may think
That they’ll overtake me
But there is no number of
Plagues that will break me
And if they keep up this behavior so vile!
It’s not just their babies I’ll drown in the Nile!
Hail, Hail, Pharaoh our God
All his words we applaud
Oh, obey him you must!
And if you do not, he will turn you to dust!
Though Moses supposes I’ll set the Jews free,
It will not be long ’til he’s bowing down to me!
