Estrangement is a trauma filled, emotional experience for parents and adult children. And as we head toward Christmas, the emotions of estrangement are especially being felt by over 25% of us out there.
Kreed Revere is here to share her very vulnerable story of her own estrangement from her adult children and what she did to heal herself and start down the road of reconcilitation.
In this episode we discuss:
- Estrangement generally refers to a close relationship that ceases communication and and contact and there is a level of rejection.
- Know that if you are a parent estranged from your adult children or a child estranged from your parents, you are not alone.
- Estrangement carries significant shame.
- The published percentages of estrangement say it’s somewhere around 25%, but it is probably much higher.
- Estrangement can throw you into a a tidal wave of emotions. Sad, mad and back and forth.
- Once you realize that you are are dealing with estrangement, find a support group. It’s important to know that you are not alone.
- The only control you have is over yourself. The rest of the situation is totally out of your control.
- Most mothers just want to get back to where they were, but you don’t want it to go back to the way it was because it probably wasn't healthy.
- You have to learn how to let go. Get to the point where you know it is okay if your kids never want to be in your life again.
- Estrangement is a Little T trauma that happens. And it stays with you whether you end up reconciling or not.
- Therapy can witness all your emotions. It lets them be seen, told they are okay and validated as normal.
- Once your emotions are validated then you can start to have some empathy and compassion for your kids, too.
- The age in which estrangement usually happens is when kids are in their 20s and 30s.
- Children are here as our teachers and we as parents are students. And we usually have that backwards. Our children are trying to become who they were meant to be.
- Don’t give opinions unless asked. Let your adult children find their own way.
- Remember that estrangement can be gift. Because you can learn how to do things differently and your relationships can be so much better.
- Keep you eye peeled for Red Flags - When your kids ask you to stop, when there is decreased amount of communication, and when you start getting information about your kids through a 3rd party.
- If you know someone going through estrangement, know this is super emotional. Do not judge and let them know you aren’t going anywhere.
- If you are estranged, maintain hope, but also let go so that you can find joy again. You are deserving of a life
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