Whether we like it or not, all athletes are going to face “disappointment”. So, if it is inevitable, how can we help our female athletes navigate through disappointments?
In the past weeks, we recently talked about disappointments inside our sports mom inner circle, a group for moms of the athletes going through our Elite Competitor Program, and we specifically talked about what to do when your athlete didn’t make it to her dream team.
How do you show up as a parent in that situation?
There are powerful parenting analogies that I shared with the moms in that talk, and I wanted to share that with you today. So, if you’re looking for tips on what to say and do when you’re female athlete is facing disappointments, this is for you.
The Lawnmower Parent
Some of you have probably heard about the “lawnmower parent” analogy. This analogy stemmed from the “helicopter parent” analogy, which is a parent that’s always checking in and doing things for their kids. It’s an analogy for an overly involved parent.
The lawnmower parent does almost the same thing, it’s that kind of parent that cuts down any obstacles in their child’s way. Just like a lawnmower, they mow all the things that could be in the way of their child’s path, to make it easier for their child.
The River Guide Parents
The “river guide parent” analogy was birthed from our trip to Costa Rica. A couple of months ago, we went on a mom-daughter retreat to Costa Rica with the athletes and their moms. We went for a canyoning adventure in a big jungle rainforest canyon.
We went through seven waterfalls, and none of us in the group has the professional skills to do it. So, we had our guides to help us. The guides supported us as we went down the waterfalls.
But here’s the thing — they GUIDED us, they DIDN’T DO it for us.
It’s a perfect example of how we can show up for our kids when they’re struggling. Just like the river guides, we can be there for them without taking away their chance to experience disappointments. When we allow them to go through it, we are actually developing their confidence and the skills they need to navigate through disappointments on their own.
The Victim Mindset Trap
Oftentimes when we try to fix things, we blame other people to make our daughters feel better and that’s a wrong move. Whenever parents do that, they’re actually teaching their daughters NOT to take ownership over what’s going on in their lives. As much as possible, avoid blaming other people.
Allow her to process, and then after a certain amount of time, we can start to guide her forward.
Moms who invest in their training to learn how to support their daughters through their athletic journey do better.
“Children do better when their parents do better.”
Athletes who have the competitive advantage also have moms who are doing and saying the right things to support them.
To be a better parent, learn to let her experience disappointment, don’t be like the lawnmower parent who removes all the obstacles in their daughter’s path. Invest in training to be that river guide parent, and support her while allowing her to experience, learn and grow.
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