One common concern I hear from parents is this:
“My daughter doesn’t feel like she’s good enough!”
Good enough to be on the team…
Good enough to compete with other athletes…
Or, just that nothing she does will ever be “good enough”!
It can be hard as a parent, especially if you feel like you tell her all the time that she IS good, but she won’t believe it.
Below, I’ve compiled some key drivers in our role as parents to help our kids have the confidence to know they are good enough (on and off the court/field!)
Separate Who She Is from What She Does
It’s really easy to point out our daughter’s accomplishments. And we should celebrate when she scores the goal, brings home the awesome report card, or earns the award!
However, when we only celebrate them for what they DO, they lose their confidence when they can’t or don’t do it. They also put unneeded pressure on themselves to be performing always because that’s what they think they need to do in order to receive your praise.
We'll talk about what to do instead in this episode.
Reframe Your Reaction To Failure/Mistakes
If you’ve been following along for a while, you know that one of the most important part of a player’s growth and development is her ability to fail, make mistakes, LEARN, and get better.
The learning and getting better can’t happen without the mistake! It’s important that athletes know this and truly believe it.
However, as parents, our verbal and nonverbal reactions to mistakes carry a lot of meaning. We can tell our daughter that mistakes are necessary to growth...but if we are showing signs of disapproval when she makes one, those words hold no weight.
When she feels like she can’t make mistakes for fear of disappointing you (or seeing your reaction), she will be less likely to risk and play to her potential. Therefore, feeling like she isn’t good enough and even worse when she does make a mistake.
We'll talk about some some simple ways to ensure your reaction to her mistakes/failure encourage your daughter to continue to get better and know she’s good enough.
Give Information Over Criticism
Along the lines of failure and mistakes, when we talk to our daughters about where they came up short, make sure to give information vs criticism.
Criticism sounds like:
“Why can’t you get your work done faster?”
“You need to be more aggressive and serve more like _______ (teammate name)”
“It’s your fault that you procrastinated!”
We'll talk about what it looks like to be giving information:
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