Ever wondered why your relationships follow the same frustrating patterns? The answer might lie in your attachment style—a psychological blueprint formed in early childhood that shapes how you connect with others throughout your life. In this eye-opening episode, certified relationship and attachment trauma practitioner Bev Miteleman, M.A. reveals how these unconscious patterns dramatically impact our sex lives.
What makes this conversation so powerful is how Mitelman connects the dots between our earliest bonding experiences and our adult sexual behaviors. She expertly breaks down the four attachment styles—secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant—explaining how each approaches intimacy differently. The anxiously attached person who initiates sex primarily to feel emotional closeness. The avoidant who enjoys physical pleasure but avoids overnight stays and deeper connection. The securely attached who naturally integrates physical and emotional intimacy. These patterns explain so much about why we behave the way we do in relationships.
Perhaps most fascinating is Mitelman's explanation of why anxious and avoidant people frequently find themselves attracted to each other, creating relationships where one partner constantly seeks closeness while the other pulls away. As she notes, "Attachment styles are not gendered"—contrary to popular memes, these dynamics can appear in any relationship configuration. But there's hope in her message too. These patterns, formed through emotion and repetition in childhood, can be rewired using those same mechanisms. With awareness and consistent effort, anyone can develop more secure attachment and experience deeper, more fulfilling connections.
Whether you're struggling with relationship patterns that leave you feeling unfulfilled or simply curious about the psychology behind intimacy, this episode offers invaluable insights into how we love and connect. Check out Securely Loved on Instagram, YouTube, or at securelyloved.com to learn more about healing attachment wounds and creating healthier relationships.
Thanks for listening!
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