Attachment Styles : Anxious - Avoidant
Why Do I Pull Away OR Hold On Too Tight?
- Understanding your attachment style is the first step to building healthier, more secure connections.
- 💞 Anxious vs. Avoidant Attachment Styles
- Attachment theory explains how early experiences shape our relationship behaviors. Here’s a simple breakdown of two common insecure styles: anxious and avoidant.
- 🧠 1. Anxious Attachment Style
- Core Fear: Abandonment or being "too much"
- Common Traits:
- Craves closeness and constant reassurance
- Fears being rejected or left
- Overthinks messages or silence
- Struggles with trusting a partner’s love
- May become clingy or “people-pleasing” to avoid conflict
- Rooted in: Inconsistent caregiving. Love felt unpredictable growing up.
- Relationship Patterns:
- Attracted to avoidant types
- May feel emotionally “high” when things are good, and “crash” when there's distance
- Can struggle with emotional regulation
❄️ 2. Avoidant Attachment Style
Core Fear: Losing independence or being emotionally vulnerable
Common Traits:- Values space and self-reliance
- Feels overwhelmed by emotional closeness
- May shut down or pull away during conflict
- Finds it hard to express feelings or ask for support
- Can appear emotionally distant or unavailable
- Rooted in: Emotionally unavailable or overly demanding caregivers.
Relationship Patterns:- May view partners as “too needy”
- Often feels suffocated by emotional demands
- Tends to minimize their own needs
- When the pulling away happens, chasing may not be The right approach for an avoidant individual, it will create resentment, anger and bitterness because the person needs to re-energise
- And if the person is angry, they often take longer to process , therefore, your constant communication will feel like nagging and further create annoyances exacerbating the situation.
- Whilst waiting for them to come around , you need to learn to self- regulate, be aware of things within your control and those beyond your control. You only have control over your thoughts, emotions and behaviour not that of others.
- Use journaling to process your thoughts and emotions
- Use mindfulness, go for a walk, go to the gym
- Notice your triggers and focus on positive things and support systems around you.
- Ruminating and stressing about the situation will not make it disappear.
❤️ If you’re ready to break old patterns and create more secure relationships, counselling can help. With the right support and self-awareness, you can build stronger, healthier connections starting with yourself.
Support us by Clicking on follow at the top right corner of the page to receive an update every time we upload a new audio and please Follow us on YouTube by clicking: https://youtube.com/@dr.tshidimwyllie1091/
#You can also find us on Apple Podcasts
Send us a text
Support the show
"Everyday is a New Beginning "
