Andy and I are celebrating our 21st Anniversary tomorrow. We dated for three years before getting married (a year and a half of that he waited for me while I served a mission)...for almost a quarter of a century, Andy has been a part of my life and I am more enamored with him than the day that I married him.
I have been reflecting a lot on why our marriage is so fulfilling and strong and I want to 4 things that I know can be applied to any serious relationship...whether you are dating , engaged or have been with someone for over 50 years...there are ways of creating more connection and love in your relationship.
1. Communication is key.
- Communication instead of control.
- Communication instead of criticism.
- Conversations not quarrels.
- Communicate about EVERYTHING. Every aspect of your relationship. Do not shut down about money, your roles or your sex life. Do not assume your partner can read your mind or that if you talk about intimacy it will become wrote and scripted...it is just the opposite.
- Being open and vulnerable creates deeper communication, letting go of perfection and pressure allows room for freedom and playfulness.
- Communication takes practice. Practice. Practice.
2. Compassion
- Your marriage does not revolve around you. It is not up to your significant other to complete you or make you happy. That is on you.
- Have compassion and grace for yourself as you figure out what brings you joy and hoot be an individual in a partnership.
- Have compassion and grace for your spouse as they are figuring out the same.
- Forgive yourself and forgive your partner.
- ALSO, you can love a person, have compassion for a person and forgive a person AND NOT CONTINUE TO ALLOW THAT PERSON TO VERBALLY AND/OR PHYSICALLY ABUSE YOU. Forgiving someone, does not mean staying on the phone, in the same room, same house or in the same relationship where verbal and physical abuse is taking place. You can feel compassion and love for someone AND distance yourself from their abuse.
3. Creativity
- Spend time having fun together.
- Spend time doing things you love and developing interest on your own.
- Be open to new things.
- Continue to learn and grow...individually and together.
4. Counseling is not quitting.
- It is saying I love you so much I want this relationship to be even better and stronger!
- If your partner won't go. Go yourself.
- There are a lot of different ways to seek help other than just traditional marriage counseling.
https://www.finlayson-fife.com/courses
https://www.finlayson-fife.com/podcasts
https://www.drjuliehanks.com/coaching
https://natalieclay.com/
Spend the time and the money on the most worthwhile relationship you will have in this life! Don't be scared to have someone tell you things "are misaligned" like I do with my yoga students or you need "to correct your form" like my friend hears every time he goes running with a Nike Coaching App...you will feel more fulfillment, peace and joy as you take the time to make changes in how your communicate, when you
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