Dates, Mates and Babies with the Vallottons

92. Why Isn't This Working?

Listen

Description

Episode 92: Why Isn’t This Working?
What to Do When Your Attempts at Healthy Conflict Resolution Seem to Fail

In this episode, Lauren and Jay dive into the frustrating moments when your best efforts at conflict resolution just aren’t cutting it. If you’ve ever wondered, “Why isn’t this working?”—this one’s for you! They walk through five key checkpoints to help you figure out where things might be going wrong and how to adjust.

5-Point Check for Healthy Conflict Resolution

  1. Are We Even Talking About the Same Thing?
    • Heated arguments are often not just about the issue at hand.
    • Ask yourself: What’s this really about? Are there underlying issues driving the conflict?
  2. Are You Able to Communicate a Real Need?
    • When you struggle to express your needs, you might shut down or get angry.
    • Take a moment to dig deep and identify the real need behind the emotions you're feeling.
  3. Send the Right “I-Messages.”
    • Keep your message concise—too many words can muddy the water.
    • Remember, you’re responsible for how you communicate, not how your partner responds.
    • Your partner might respond poorly, especially if they feel shame or misunderstood, but focus on managing yourself.
  4. Plan Ahead for Triggers.
    • Know what tends to set you off and create a strategy to stay on course.
    • When those triggers hit, stick to the plan—no detours!
  5. Stick to the Script—Your Way Isn’t Working!
    • Use tools like our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet to stay on track. (Get it by taking our free marriage assessment [link].)
    • What if your partner isn’t playing by the rules? Stay focused on what you can control and keep improving.

Bonus Tip: Learn from Feedback

“We grow to the level of feedback we are willing to take.” After each conflict, reflect on what worked and what didn’t. This is how real growth happens.

Tune in now for practical advice, personal stories, and tips you can apply today to navigate conflict with more success.

Resources Mentioned:

Patreon
If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:
Instagram
Facebook
Connect with Jason:
Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org