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These days everyone is talking about high conflict divorce, but is it always the other party? Today we thought we’d talk about those times when your client is contributing to the conflict and discuss some strategies for helping them identify when they’re getting in their own way.
Have you heard the saying “it takes two to tango”? That may be true in dance, but in divorce, one person can change the routine. That’s where divorce coaches have the opportunity to help clients recognize when they might be falling into old patterns of conflict that are ineffective.
When we think of times when out client may be the one creating conflict or throwing fuel on the fire, we're reminded of Taylor Swift's song Anti-Hero. The lyrics say:
Me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
At tea time, everybody agrees
I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror
It can be difficult for clients to look in the mirror and accept the reality that poor emotional management, ineffective communication, lack of boundaries, unrealistic expectations, and short-term thinking are dialing up the conflict.
As professional divorce coaches, you have a variety of tools you can use to help clients see more clearly. While they may not be able to control their spouse's or co-parent's behavior, they can choose not the throw fuel on the fire. We discuss the stop, drop and roll strategy; BIFF, EAR, and GREATT communication strategies, reality testing, impact assessment, and exploring locus of control.
Martin Luther King, Jr has a famous quote that we adapted slightly here that perfectly reflects this idea that one person can change the dance of conflict:
“[Humans] are called upon not to be like a thermometer conforming to the temperature of [conflict], but [they] must be like a thermostat serving to transform the temperature of [conflict]”.
You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:
Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com
Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:
Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com
