Seven years before this conversation, Tracy Malone drove to an ex-partner's house to tell him she had decided to forgive him. She was arrested that night on his complaint, pleaded to one of the charges because fighting them would have cost thirty thousand dollars she did not have, and still carries the record. She has since learned that he had his ex-wife arrested three times.
Tracy Malone is the founder of Narcissist Abuse Support, a coach, an author, and one of the earliest voices in narcissistic abuse education online. Lisa first found her work years ago and has called her a mentor since. Tracy runs support groups where, she says, it is routine to find several people in the same room who were arrested by their partner, which is what convinced her that the silence around it was the real problem.
She describes what happened step by step, without softening it: the mandatory-arrest rule that requires an officer responding to a domestic call in her state to take someone in, the booking, the ten hours before a judge, the shackles for the walk to the courthouse inside the jail. Then the three-page typed statement claiming she had been asked to leave seven times, and the recording that appeared weeks later with that line inserted into it. Two university audio departments reviewed the file and identified the cuts. The department asked him whether he had edited it, he said no, and another charge was added.
The last part of the conversation is about living with it. Probation, weekly community service, needing permission to travel to her son's graduation, the friends who decided she must have deserved it, and the months she stopped leaving her house because the order meant a chance encounter could send her back. Tracy explains how she let go of the shame, what she learned when the other woman in the car had the order lifted from Australia so the two of them could compare notes, and the change-the-story approach she now teaches: a short, calm version of events for people who have not shown you they are safe.
As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.
🎓 What you'll learn
⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 Why false arrest goes unspoken, and the shame attached to it
5:00 The mandatory-arrest rule on a domestic call
6:00 The forgiveness sermon, and six minutes in a garage
10:00 He calls the police, and the knock comes that night
12:00 Booked, shackled, and ten hours before a judge
15:00 The recording that surfaced three weeks later, with cuts in it
19:00 The plea, the record, probation, and 70 hours of community service
24:00 The friends who took his side, and the year she stopped going out
28:00 Door number three: an order lifted from Australia, and comparing notes
32:00 Same man, different masks: what each partner was there to supply
37:00 Change the story: what to say to people who have not earned the details
Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183
🔗 Tracy Malone at Narcissist Abuse Support: https://narcissistabusesupport.com/
About Been There Got Out
Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.
