Isn’t it frustrating when someone looks at you like you have three heads for making a simple request regarding your child.
People tend to not understand because our child’s needs are unusual in comparison to a neurotypical child’s need. They simply don’t understand the meaning behind your request.
In this episode, I explore those feelings as a mom of an autistic and remind you that you don’t have three heads and your child’s needs are just as important.
It’s natural for moms of autistics to advocate for their child. It doesn’t feel good when those simple requests are ignored or misunderstood.
In fact, your advocacy doesn’t make you a bad person or a needy person. Even if someone infers this is the case. It makes you a good mom! Other’s ideas about you do not paint an accurate picture of who you are as a mom or a person.
I am one of the most flexible people you will ever meet. Moms of autistics are flexible at their core. They must be given their circumstances. Yet others view them as difficult or impossible.
Does that sound selfish on their end? It is based on the fact that they don’t have the experience of raising an autistic making it hard to understand.
As moms, we might not start out with a high level of flexibility, but raising an autistic requires you to transform yourself into a highly flexible mom.
There will be those, who simply refuse to budge. That doesn’t mean you don’t follow through with your request. Your child’s safety always comes first.
What does that mean? You know what your child’s triggers are, but others do not because they do not know your child like you do.
Our job as moms is to set our child up for success and not failure. This is why we make these requests of others. That is being a good mom. Not a difficult mom…
When your child is doing well, so are you! This is a type of self-care. This is why setting boundaries with others is so important.
I set firm boundaries with my son too that are developmentally appropriate. This is how he learns. I am also aware of what he can handle and don’t push him until he is ready.
This is what we call, “meeting them where they are at.” We must meet all individuals where they are to facilitate change.
You might want someone to join your autism journey, but they simply are not ready. That doesn’t mean they won’t be ready at some point. You know the old saying, “You can lead the horse to water, but you can’t force them to drink.” So true!
Don’t try to herd cats! If someone isn’t willing to budge when you set boundaries, you can walk away from that. You are advocating for you AND your child and creating a safe space for both of you to grow and feel cared for. It shouldn’t be one sided.
People, who see the meaning behind your boundaries will meet you halfway. They will at least try to understand and show some flexibility. How does this happen?
In one word … education. Not only are you a mom of an autistic, but you are an educator too. I do a lot of educating.
It is up to the individual to choose to understand or not. That is out of your control. You gave them the information. They must choose to use it.
When others do not understand our methods of parenting, it is usually written all over their face or in their tone and body language. You will become quite skilled at recognizing this.
I often ask, “You seem like you have questions. How can I help? That opens up the conversation and educational opportunity. They tend to let their guard down.
Do you have to do this with those who are hostile? Absolutely not! Let it go! Do not hang on to others negativity. You do not deserve it.
In the next week, consider those moments that you could have educated others and set firm boundaries when making requests. How might you do things different in the future?
