Hi Moms! Do you feel like a failure as a mom? Do I have an episode for you!
Settle in with me in the next few minutes to dive deeper into what it really means to fail and what it really means to succeed. Are these concepts as different as you think?
Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/22
Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts.
Mindset can change your autism journey for the better
I talk about mindset quite a bit. Our mindset is at the core of our beliefs about life and how we experience the world.
Carol Dwek has researched mindset for years. She talks about the power of yet. I love this concept!
Are you focused on now or future? There is so much emphasis on being present or here in the now. That is a completely different concept. I am referring to focusing on the outcome.
Let’s say that you are upset because you didn’t do well on a test. Does that mean you won’t reach your end goal of graduating? Of course not! That is just one grade or one test.
How easily are you able to move on from something like that? If it is a struggle, that might be a red flag that you might be suffering from perfectionism. I talk about this more in Episode 21.
Another example might be that you are having a hard day. Your child is struggling and you snap at them in frustration, which increases their negative behavior and anxiety level. Are you the worst mom ever? Of course not! THAT is just a moment in time.
My point is that failure is a moment in time and not the greater outcome. Dwek refers to failure as “not yet” because there is still a path for growth if you allow for it, that is.
Why not emphasize the “now” in your autism journey?
When we focus on “now,” we focus on the immediate outcome. If the imminent outcome is great, then wonderful! You got a high grade. You handled your child’s behavior well.
If it isn’t the outcome you had hoped for then think, “not yet,” which means there is room for future success.
I used to say that I kissed a lot of frogs before I met my husband. I learned something new from my previous relationships that prepared me for success with my husband.
Another example is Benjamin Franklin. He said, “I didn’t fail, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” He knew that something came from each so-called failure. Something WAS learned, so it wasn’t a missed opportunity.
Reimagining failure in your autism journey
In the beginning, I asked the question, “Do you feel like a failure as a mom?” We live in a society where people need affirmations to avoid falling apart. Moms of autistics don’t get a lot of validation or praise. People don’t always positively notice what we do and spend more time judging because they don’t understand.
Beliefs are powerful. I have ONE piece of advice.. Don’t get in your own way! Don’t be your biggest barrier to moving forward.
How do you do this? Here are some tips for using failure for success as an autism mom:
When I say notice, remember that noticing basically means encouraging. It goes a long way.
Big Idea from Episode 22:
Mindset can make difficult times worse OR get you through the hard times! Neural connectivity strengthens in the brain when we progress and learn! Growth is evidenced in brain studies. How exciting is that!
Plan for future growth as an autism mom
In the next week, consider how you have handled disappointments along the way in your autism journ
