If parenting your child feels like a constant battle—and every strategy you have been told to use only makes things worse—you are not alone. Many families live this struggle daily without realising there is a name for what they are seeing: Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA).
In this episode, we speak with Rachel Crutcher and Sarah Stewart from the PDA Society, two experts who have walked this path both personally and professionally. Together, we uncover why everyday demands trigger such intense anxiety, why rewards and consequences backfire, and how a calm-first, collaborative approach can finally bring relief.
You will hear the early signs many parents miss—demand avoidance even for things a child usually loves, the need for control, and the familiar pattern of fine at school, meltdown at home. Once you understand PDA through a can’t-not-won’t lens, everything begins to make sense.
Your guides walk you through the practical steps that transform family life:
• How to lower demands without lowering expectations
• How to spot the hidden “micro-demands” that drain your child before the day has even begun
• How humour, choices, and written prompts make requests feel safe
• Why treating a PDA child like a “mini adult” (explaining the why, asking permission, collaborating) reduces anxiety instantly
We also tackle one of the biggest pain points for PDA families: school. You will learn how masking works, which adjustments truly help, and what flexible, trauma-aware practice looks like in real life. If your school’s ethos is rigid, we help you recognise when it is not the right fit—and where to turn for support and SEND-law guidance.
For families with siblings, we share a simple principle that reduces resentment and restores harmony: use collaborative, low-demand strategies with everyone. It is fair. It is kind. And it works.
Finally, we show you where real, ongoing help exists—through the PDA Society’s free guidance service, moderated parent communities, self-paced learning hub, professional training, and bespoke school consultations.
If you are exhausted, overwhelmed, or unsure what to try next, this episode will give you both clarity and hope.
You can understand your child. You can reconnect. And things can get better.
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