Julie Legg and Jel Legg discuss the link between ADHD and masking - why, when and how we are likely to mask and unmask.
They chat about whether masking is intentional or unintentional, detrimental to our self-esteem, and why they feel it is deemed necessary in certain situations. Often used to conform to societal norms, masking involves suppressing true thoughts and behaviors to avoid judgment or conflict, but this can come at the cost of emotional exhaustion and shallow relationships. They discuss the challenges of unmasking, the importance of safe environments for self-expression, and the ways ADHDers can navigate societal expectations while striving for authenticity.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
- What is Masking? Masking involves hiding true thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to conform to societal norms, often by adopting a socially acceptable persona. It can be intentional or become an unconscious habit over time.
- Why Masking Happens: ADHDers may mask to avoid judgment, criticism, or conflict. This behavior often starts in childhood as a response to feeling different or not accepted, especially for girls who tend to suppress ADHD traits more covertly than boys.
- The Cost of Masking: Long-term masking is emotionally exhausting and can lead to shallow relationships or feelings of being unseen. When masks slip or are intentionally removed, it can result in unexpected reactions from others, adding to a sense of isolation or vulnerability.
- Unmasking and Its Challenges: Unmasking requires a safe environment and understanding relationships. People need to feel they can reveal their true selves without fear of judgment or rejection, which can be challenging in structured social or work environments.
- Societal Expectations and ADHD: ADHDers often struggle with societal norms that demand conformity. This misalignment can lead to internal conflicts and moments of explosive honesty when masking becomes unsustainable.
- Insights on Managing Masking: Recognizing the habit of masking can help individuals question its necessity and find balance. Seeking supportive communities or professional guidance, such as ADHD coaches or counselors, can help create strategies for authentic self-expression.
LINKS
Julie is the author of THE MISSING PIECE: A Woman's Guide to Understanding, Diagnosing and Living with ADHD (Harper Collins, 2024).
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