Julie Legg and Jel Legg discuss ‘small talk’ and ADHD – why is it so annoying and how can we it.
They chat about why small talk seems at times painful when, not long after the pleasantries are over, the conversation doesn’t progress. Why is small talk frustrating? How can small talk become big talk? With practical insights, the episode highlights ways to make small talk more bearable while recognizing the preference for deeper, more rewarding connections.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
- Why Small Talk is Challenging for ADHDers: ADHD brains, driven by dopamine-seeking behavior, find traditional small talk unengaging and unrewarding. The lack of depth, interest, or entertainment in shallow conversations can quickly lead to boredom or frustration.
- Strategies to Navigate Small Talk: Using humor can make brief exchanges more engaging and boost dopamine levels, even if the response from others is muted. Employing the “Gray Rock” strategy—providing simple, neutral responses—can help endure necessary but unenjoyable interactions, like formal events or routine meetings.
- Context Matters: Small talk is tolerated in structured settings, such as workplace interactions or formal gatherings, but ADHDers often seek to transform mundane exchanges into more meaningful or entertaining interactions. Awareness of the purpose and limitations of small talk can help manage expectations.
- Making the Most of It: Infusing energy and positivity into small talk can make it more bearable. Recognizing that small talk is often unavoidable, they suggest avoiding it when possible and striving to elevate conversations to more stimulating topics when appropriate.
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