Send us a text! We’d love to know what you think!
Season 2 Episode 7: Crafting Healthy Conflict: The Art of Fair Fighting For Couples
Ever wondered if your arguments are normal or if they're slowly destroying your relationship? Whether you're having full-blown shouting matches or tense conversations where neither of you feels heard, this episode dives into the truth about conflict in healthy relationships.
Contrary to popular belief, a completely conflict-free relationship isn't necessarily a healthy one. As we reveal, couples who "never fight" often aren't addressing important issues, leading to buried resentment and disconnection. The key isn't avoiding disagreements but learning to navigate them productively through what therapists call "fair fighting."
We break down essential fair fighting rules that transform destructive arguments into growth opportunities. You'll learn why proper "I statements" focus on specific behaviors rather than character attacks, how "kitchen-sinking" (bringing up months of grievances at once) derails productive conversations, and why soft startups prevent unnecessary escalation. We also address the importance of respecting emotional triggers, monitoring body language, and recognizing when to take a pause.
Most importantly, we provide practical guidance for creating personalized fair fighting rules tailored to your unique relationship. These aren't just theoretical concepts—they're actionable strategies couples can post on their refrigerator as reminders during heated moments. Whether conflict makes you uncomfortable or you're the partner who doesn't shy away from confrontation, these guidelines create a framework where both people feel safe expressing concerns.
Ready to transform your conflicts into opportunities for deeper connection? Listen now, then sit down with your partner to develop your own list of fair fighting rules specific to your relationship dynamics.
Dr. Jenna and Dr. Nari are the Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists behind the Coupled Podcast. They both have private practices where they work with individuals, couples, and families in Florida. The two are ready to shake up the world of couples therapy and want to extend resources beyond the couples they see in their private practices.
If you like this episode and want to know more about taking the next step to improve your communication, connection, and intimacy, head over to our websites to learn more about our Staying Coupled and Getting Coupled courses. These online courses give you the flexibility to improve your relationship from the comfort and convenience of your home. The Staying Coupled course is for couples who want to do the work to connect, communicate, and have the healthiest relationship possible. The Getting Coupled course is for premarital couples wanting to learn the essentials for a successful marriage. Topics in both courses include the main issues couples face:
For more information, visit drjennascott.com/courses or drnarijeter.com/courses
Disclaimer: This podcast is not a substitute for therapy. If you’re struggling, we encourage you to seek support from a licensed therapist in your state. Our relationship suggestions and content may not be applicable or advised for relationships with intimate partner violence (IPV). If you need resources, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233.
