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Have we weaponized mental health terminology to the point of meaninglessness? Shannon Petrovich, therapist and author specializing in narcissistic relationships, joins us to untangle what truly constitutes toxic behavior versus simply unhealthy dynamics.
"Anyone with whom they had a difficult relationship was bipolar, probably wrong. Most recently, the diagnosis du jour seems to often be narcissist. Again, most likely wrong," explains Mary as she introduces this critical conversation. While the term 'narcissist' has become social media shorthand for difficult people, Shannon reveals that true narcissistic personality disorder affects roughly 6.2% of the population – far from the implied 50% suggested by casual labeling.
Shannon unpacks the vital distinction between unhealthy relationships (where needs aren't met) and truly toxic ones (where you're "literally dying emotionally, becoming bankrupt, physically deteriorating"). Drawing on Bessel van der Kolk's groundbreaking work on how trauma resides in our bodies, she illuminates how chronic stress from toxic relationships floods us with harmful hormones, effectively poisoning us from within.
The conversation delves into why we're drawn to familiar patterns, even destructive ones. "We bring templates with us," Shannon explains, challenging the harmful myth that people are "comfortable with abuse." Instead, she reveals how childhood experiences create stories that align us with people who aren't good for us, creating what she calls "a tragically perfect match" between narcissistic and empathic personalities.
Most powerfully, Shannon offers practical steps for healing, starting with repairing our relationship with ourselves through journaling and boundary-setting. "Boundaries always work," she insists. "They either get a different response from that person and the relationship changes, or they give you the information you need to back away and protect yourself differently."
Whether you're questioning your own relationship patterns or supporting someone through toxicity, this episode provides clarity, compassion, and concrete tools for reclaiming your wellbeing and rebuilding your life on healthier terms.
Comments about this episode? Suggestions for a future episode? Wanna be a guest? Email me directly at NSVpodcast@gmail.com.
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