Most women experience a lot of pressure to get married and have children by a certain age. The truth is that there are many benefits in being single, and if you’re only focused on pursuing marriage, you can miss them.
Debunking myths about single hood:
- Myth #1: Marriage is a reward for good behavior in single hood. The reality is that marriage comes with its own set of troubles and challenges. Even healthy marriages have their downsides.
- Myth #2: Single hood is a negative thing and single women must have something wrong with them. Single hood is not punishment for being promiscuous or not going to church. Many churches in particular have done a terrible job of shaming single women for their singleness, and that needs to change.
- Myth #3 (Unpopular opinion): I'm concerned about the narrative that says you need to spend years “preparing to be a wife.” Premarital counseling and books are important, but be careful not to base your whole identity on whether you get married or not. That kind of message comes dangerously close to idolatry.
It’s not wrong to desire marriage. You can “be content in your singleness” while still desiring a husband. You just need to keep that desire in its proper place.
5 Things to Focus On When You're Single
1. Spend time with God.
- Singles are able to fully devote themselves to God. Married people, in contrast, are focused on each other---“their interests are divided” (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
- Paul argues that single hood is actually a gift, and it’s his personal preference for everyone (1 Corinthians 7:7).
- Again, it’s okay to desire marriage, but don’t make it an idol. If all your prayer time is spent asking for a husband, there’s a problem.
2. Heal from the trauma in your past.
- The earlier you heal from your mental and emotional baggage, the less likely you are to bring them into your marriage.
3. Get clear about your calling.
- You are a whole, complete person with a whole entire calling outside of your future husband. It's good to support your husband, but don't dismiss your own dreams and God-given purpose just to focus on his.
4. Invest in your relationships, especially friendships.
- Friendships provide support, encouragement and accountability, which is even more important in singlehood.
5. Do something that helps your community.
- Serving helps you maintain gratitude and avoid obsessing about your own needs.
Action Step: Choose one of the 5 suggestions mentioned in this episode and focus on it for the next 30 days.
References:
- Episode 2: “Purpose, Calling, Assignment: What’s the Difference?”
- Episode 5: “5 Questions to Help You Discover Your Calling”
