What if the most heated arguments with your teen could become your greatest opportunities for connection? Marriage and family therapist Emil Harker joins us to challenge everything you thought you knew about parent-child conflict. Drawing from his own struggles as a newlywed who "didn't have a clue" how to communicate, Emil reveals why hoping to avoid conflict is a terrible plan—and why real intimacy only happens when we learn to navigate it skillfully.
Emil unpacks his powerful framework of four statement types that every parent faces: criticisms, questions, declarations, and commands. You'll discover why your instinct to defend yourself backfires, and learn the counterintuitive responses that release oxytocin and create bonding moments. When your teen says "You don't care about me" or "That's ridiculous—no other parent is like you," you'll finally know exactly what to say. Emil demonstrates how agreeing with the element of truth—nothing more, nothing less—disarms conflict and opens doors you thought were permanently closed.
We tackle the respect dilemma head-on, exploring Emil's eye-opening conversation with his son who asked, "How have you taught me to respect you?" This leads to a crucial distinction between demanding deference and earning respect through consistent, accountable behavior. You'll hear a recorded example of a father who simply owned his mistakes without pushing an agenda, and his teen's stunning response: "Well, it isn't all you, dad. I got a part in it"—words this father had never heard before. It's a masterclass in why relationship must come before resolution, and how making connection your agenda naturally invites correction without force. Whether your teen is in treatment or you're navigating everyday tensions, this episode equips you with practical tools to transform conflict into your family's greatest asset.
