Heal in place. Fill your still.Abandonment. During these unusual and uncertain times, I thought it would help to create mini-podcasts to share the resources I used on my healing journey in a more direct way. Most of us may be sheltering in place –with no distractions and also no escape. If you are like the old erratically busy me…this “stillness” may be torture. If you have woken up and are searching for a path to recovery or already on a healing journey…I truly hope these mini-podcasts resonate. I try to cover a lot of ground in a succinct way so you can heal in place and fill your still.
My father physically abandoned me most of my childhood and my mother emotionally abandoned me my entire life. Living with repeated abandonment experiences created toxic shame and for me was a very destructive force in my life. The painful message I constantly received was: “You are not important. You are not of value." This is the pain from which I needed to heal. Emotional abandonment occurs when parents do not provide the emotional conditions and the nurturing environment necessary for healthy development. I like to define emotional abandonment as "occurring when a child has to hide a part of who he or she is in order to be accepted, or to not be rejected." When parents are critical, dismissive, invasive, or preoccupied, they’re unable to empathize with their child’s feelings and needs. The child will feel misunderstood, alone, hurt or angry, rejected, or deflated. Children are vulnerable, and it doesn’t take much for a child to feel hurt, abandoned, and ashamed.
Breaking the cycle means being unlearning and relearning, re-parenting ourselves and employing self-compassion. Thanks to decades of attachment studies, we know that healthy effective bonds guarantee the development of a fulfilling life filled with healthy relationships, healthy self-esteem, and the security and trust of others. On the other hand, insecure attachment sets us on a path towards insecurity, low self-esteem and lack of trust towards those around us.
Please visit John Bradshaw and Beverly Engel - they are wonderful resources.
https://www.johnbradshaw.com/about-john-bradshaw
http://healmyshame.com/
