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Rayna Neises, your host, interviews Carolyn Miller Parr. Wife, mother, litigator, judge, family caregiver, and mediator are just a few of the many hats that Carolyn has worn in her 83 years. And, at the age of 74, she added author to that distinguished list. Her second book, Love’s Way: Living Peacefully With Your Family As Your Parents Age, is a valuable tool for seniors and their adult children. She shares the following insights with the hope that it helps families navigate the journey without disputes that end up in the courts or mediation:
- Most disputes between adult children are regarding their parent’s care, their parent’s wishes, and the will; and the problems are solvable by talking!
- Adult children worry most about their parent’s safety; Parents worry most about their autonomy
- When there is resistance to a solution, reframe the question to involve everybody’s interests. Example: How can the parent stay in his/her house and be safe enough that the adult child will not worry?
- When change is needed, ask lots of questions to find lots of solutions, then work for a win-win
- Sources of conflict: old grudges; parental favoritism; lack of transparency regarding caregiving; not reviewing the will with everyone; failure to explain medical wishes to everyone; choosing the wrong person as power of attorney
- Comes down to communication and having the difficult conversations . . . You just need to do it!
- Four things parents and their adult children need to say to each other:
- I love you.
- Thank you.
- I forgive you.
- Please forgive me.
