Licensed psychologist, Dr. Diane Strachowski, brings 20 years of experience as a relationship expert and dating doctor with a speciality in ‘Securology’ into the conversation today, offering Chelsea a priceless opportunity to uncover her own love style and become more secure in love. Dr. Diane’s ‘Securology’ philosophy and guidance stems from two proven psychological theories: Attachment Theory, first studied by John Bowlby, which uncovers your love style and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) which challenges your negatives thoughts and helps you turn them into positive thoughts. This episode will wake you up to your own triggers and tendencies within relationships, as well as their underlying origin and reality (for instance, why are you actually overreacting to your boyfriend’s phone being turned off), while providing you with clarity and actionable takeaways to begin positioning yourself as a more securely attached individual in and outside of a romantic relationship. Some a’ha moments and memorable insights during this episode:+ A young girl’s whole sense of self comes from their father figure+ Who we are as women comes from the attention that we get from our fathers+ To become anxiously attached, we usually have a predominant parent figure that has their own anxiety—and out of their own anxiety and preoccupation with what’s going on, we don’t learn to completely relax with people even when we receive their attention+ The flip side of anxious is anger + The anxious angry person in strict attachment theory will over-respond to what are perceived threats+ The expressive giver comes to relationships with so much love, so much partnering and wanting to be close but underneath they’re trying to meet their own dependency needs+ The expressive giver, while lively and loving, often overwhelms their partner, especially an avoidant+ The nervous person gets controlling because they feel so out of control; then, they develop this fantasy in their head of how the perfect person would soothe them and become fixated on “if-only” and “if-when” thinking+ A secure functioning couple knows how to partner, which includes calming and centering the other+ The world is becoming increasingly anxious as a result of our quick fix culture+ As the dating world becomes more ambiguous, it is essential that we develop a more secure attachment style as it will enable us to tolerate ambiguity+ The beauty of secure attachment is you don’t bring your own “stuff” into a relationship because you don’t feel threatened + If you don’t feel threatened, you only need to be secure enough+ In relationships we’re wounded but we are also healed+ They myth of trusting your gut and having to love yourself before you love another + The need and power that comes with earning your secure attachment+ It doesn’t matter where you start, it only matters where you end+ Why love is the most important thingAnd so much more.—To connect with Dr. Diane, visit:her website: www.secureinlove.comtake her LOVE STYLE QUIZ: http://secureinlove.com/my-love-style-quiz/her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/backtolovedocher Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/secureinloveher Twitter: https://twitter.com/secureinlove—Sign up for Chelsea’s newsletter at: bit.ly/tyhbletterFind Chelsea’s website at: www.breakupward.comWork with Chelsea at: www.breakupward.com/shopConnect and send in your questions and/or letters on Instagram.com/thankyouheartbreak or by email Chelsea@breakupward.com
