Hello Everyone & Welcome Back to the RealPositiveGirl Podcast!
Thank you so much for joining me again!
Happy Thursday!
This week's theme for the podcast is: Codependency
Codependency is something many People Pleasers & Perfectionists will struggle with, as well as many others within relationships used to mask & distract from other things in their lives. It's also one of the most common behaviors of those raised by narcissists or someone struggling with an addiction.
Here are some notes from today's episode:
- A martyr is someone that feels the need to unnecessarily sacrifice themselves for others, no matter the cost, while ignoring their own needs.
- The idea of Martyr Syndrome is the behavior pattern where someone seeks pain & suffering to feel good about themself, as the idea of giving everything for others & nothing for yourself makes you a better person.
- I’ve found that some of the reasons people take on this struggle is because our parents demonstrated this behavior to us when we were younger, so we inherently grow-up doing it, too. As well as it being the socially acceptable thing to do in your culture (strict gender roles & expectations).
- The one I find most common is due to self-esteem & personal beliefs, as having low self-esteem & thinking less of ourselves causes us to try & do more for others to prove that we are better than we really think we are. It’s a coping mechanism & also allows them to use focusing on others as an excuse to not take responsibility for negative things in their life.
- Moms suffer from Mommy Martyr or Perfect Mommy Syndrome. This obviously has more to do with doing everything for the sake of your child, like taking on all chores because you don’t want to impose any of that work on them, not making anytime for yourself, putting your husband second to your child & believing that giving your child everything they want is your duty.
- Some of the ways you can tell if you suffer from Martyr Syndrome: You stay in abusive relationships, despite how it affects you negatively, You constantly portray yourself as super nice, self-sacrificing, a hero type, constant reassurance of greatness & innocence, exaggerated level of suffering, hard time saying ‘no’ and setting boundaries, there is ALWAYS a new problem to solve or be apart of, they can emotionally manipulate others into doing stuff for them by portraying themself as high & mighty, yet needy, and lastly constantly seeking appreciation & recognition with guilt & manipulation.
- Some quick ideas to break this cycle of victim behavior: Let go of guilt for wanting to take care of yourself, stop using the need to focus on others problems as an excuse to not focus on your own problems & things that need attention, learn to say ‘no’ & establish personal boundaries, own up to the things you have the power to change in your life & actually make those changes for things to be better, improve & practice positive communication behaviors, & get help from a professional if you are having trouble overcoming these behaviors on your own.
- Just remember that it is not selfish to focus & do things for yourself. Doing so will equip you to help others after you spend the time helping yourself first.
Please share this podcast with anyone that may need this encouragement!
Thank you agai
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