Description

"I've mentioned it. I've been consistent about this. Why isn't it landing?"

It sounds like patience. It sounds like leadership that respects the other person's capability. It sounds like giving someone the space to correct course on their own.

So why are you not getting the result you're expecting?

In this episode, I share the story of a senior team member I'll call Lily and what I had to learn, through real trial and error, about what a coaching conversation requires. Not a single mention. Not a series of softened reminders. A loop that stays open until you can both clearly see it no longer needs to.

This episode names the pattern clearly: why well-intentioned leaders deliver the same message three times with diminishing clarity and call it consistency. I talk about the playbook that got us here, the one that told women who lead to be flexible, approachable, not too demanding. I also talk about what happens when that playbook runs in the background during a performance conversation. Where the message gets softened. Then softened again until the person on the other side isn’t receiving feedback. They’re standing in fog.

And fog is unkind. Vagueness is mean.

In this episode:

• Why repeating yourself with diminishing clarity is a very organized way of hoping and what coaching for performance actually requires
• The four stories women who lead tell themselves to justify not going back in
• What the loop looks like from the inside including the formal check-ins, the informal ones, and why both matter
• Why both people in the room usually want to have the real conversation and what happens when one of them finally creates the conditions for it
• What you’re allowed to do when the first conversation doesn’t land

This week’s permission: Go back in. Say what you came to say, clearly, without apologizing for it. The first conversation is the starting line. Staying in it is the work. And being clear enough that the other person actually knows where they stand? That’s the kindest thing you can do.