Many people believe that thinking about regrets is a waste of time or unimportant. But I think it can actually be informative and instructive. Today, I’m sharing some of my parenting regrets as I look back on the decisions I made when my kids were younger. I want to show you how you can use regret in a positive, supportive way.
You’ll Learn:
But regret doesn’t need to be destructive. You can process those feelings and then use that regret to fuel you. It can lead to forgiveness, a deeper compassion for yourself or action toward changes you want to make in your life.
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As we wrap up 2024, it’s a good time to reflect on where you’re at and do some gentle reflection. Through this process, you may notice mistakes you made or areas of your life where you don’t think you’re doing that great.
Often, when we think or talk about our mistakes, we end up feeling a lot of embarrassment and shame around them. We tend to beat ourselves up, and we don’t really know what to do with those regrets.
But regret doesn’t need to be destructive. You can process those feelings and then use that regret to fuel you. It can lead to forgiveness, a deeper compassion for yourself or action toward changes you want to make in your life. Instead of ignoring it and pushing forward, you can gain something from that mistake or regret.
It’s normal to make mistakes as a mom.
It is normal for you to pick an educational path and then decide that it wasn't right for your kid.
It's normal to make them stay in a sport and then find out that they were getting a chronic injury that you didn’t know about.
You're going to act in ways you don’t love.
You’ll create disconnection with your kids.
You'll sometimes say things the wrong way or say things you wish you hadn't.
You’re going to push your kid too hard sometimes and not hard enough at others.
It’s impossible to do motherhood perfectly. Especially when so many of the decisions we make as moms are based on an unknown future. You make the best decision you can at the time with whatever kind of capacity you have.
And that’s okay. You don’t want to do it perfectly anyway. Because when you make a mistake, you learn from it, grow and change.
When you feel regret starting to creep in…
Accept that you have limited capacity. Not everything can be the most important thing. If there is something you can’t fully commit to now, you might regret it later. This is where forgiveness comes in. Instead of getting stuck in the coulda, woulda, shoulda, you can say, “Well, I guess I didn’t have it in me at that time.”
Balance compassion and responsibility. This is the same thing we try to do for our kids. You don’t need to bury yourself in guilt and shame. But you do want to be willing to accept feedback, take an honest look at the situation.
Love yourself through the process of using your mistakes to serve you instead of hurt you. This way, when your kid comes to you with feedback, you can receive it without it crushing you. You can be ready to make amends, apologize or make things right.
Here are five ways to handle regret when it comes up.
