Description

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the concept of pre-regulation and how it can help with preventing meltdowns. Today, you’ll learn how to help your kid get calm (and stay calm) so you have less dysregulation and fewer tantrums.

You’ll Learn:

• Why meltdowns actually happen
• Things you might be doing that make tantrums worse
• How to help you child calm their nervous system in the moment
• Tons of simple (and fun) strategies I used with my kids to keep them calm in advance to prevent meltdowns from happening

I hope you implement just one or two of these this week for yourself and for your kids. Then, tell me how it goes!

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Understanding Meltdowns and Regulation

In kids, dysregulation often looks like kicking, screaming, punching, yelling at you, saying really crazy things… aka a tantrum or meltdown. I like to call them Big Feeling Cycles. You can actually see that your child is sort of out of control. 

As a parent, the instinct is often to try to control that behavior. So maybe you raise your voice, make a threat, or try to bribe your kid in order to stop the behavior. But these don’t deal with the cause of the meltdown, because feelings drive behavior.

Arguing or trying to “teach them a lesson” doesn’t help in these situations. It usually just creates more problems.

When you trust that the grumpiness, complaining, or meltdown is temporary, it gives you some perspective. You’re able to allow for some of those feelings to be and have compassion.

A helpful thought for you when your kid is in the midst of a Big Feeling Cycle is: Thoughts and feelings are like weather. They always pass. 

As your kid’s emotional coach, your goal is to help them get out of fight or flight (the sympathetic nervous system) and into rest and digest (the parasympathetic nervous system). 

Imagine this (or maybe it already happened in your house today)… Your kid is having a fit because they’re in a bad mood and they don’t want their chicken nuggets. Instead of arguing, you say, “Okay. Eat it or don’t eat it. We’ll figure it out.” And then all of a sudden, they start eating! What happened in that moment is that their nervous system came back online, and they’re better able to regulate.

In-the-Moment Strategies for Calming Big Feelings

If you want to go deeper and get the step-by-step process for these strategies, I’ve done individual podcasts episodes on most of them, so go back and listen!

The Connection Tool is your best strategy to handle a Big Feeling Cycle. It has three parts:

1. Narrate the situation - What is happening? What behaviors are you seeing?
2. Name the emotion - I wonder if you’re feeling…
3. Now what? - Give your child another strategy to communicate or cope with their big feelings.

The 3 Rs of emotional regulation are also really helpful in getting back to calm.

1. Rhythm - Intentionally moving your body in a way that has a soothing effect on you. This could be jumping, swinging your arms, or doing a shimmy shake.
2. Relationship - When you have someone come alongside you and say, “You’re okay. I’ve got you. We can handle this,” it takes away the fight or flight response. You’re no longer alone and afraid. 
3. Reward - This isn’t a reward like a toy or ice cream. It’s a little dopamine kick that can be achieved by completing a small task. This isn’t one that you can do right in the middle of a Big Feeling Cycle, but if you catch it before the train has fully left the station, you might be able to turn things around.

Intercepting or interrupting the Big Feeling Cycle with a small task or...