Today, I've invited Jessica Koosed Etting onto the podcast for a conversation about family life, the mental load on moms, and how we can make things a little bit simpler and easier.
You’ll Learn:
While perfection is impossible, there are ways to be more proactive and organized, so that we feel a little less pressure, stress, and overwhelm.
---------------------------------------------
Jessica Koosed Etting is the co-founder and CEO of Jam, a pioneering family calendar app designed to dismantle mental load and make family life more efficient and equitable. She’s also a mom of 3 boys, ages 10-14.
You know the scenario… You drive your kid to soccer (or whatever activity you’re going to) and get there only to realize they’re missing some important piece of gear or equipment. You get frustrated with yourself, your partner, or your kid, and you dump your emotions on them (i.e. yelling, arguing, blaming). Then, you get out of the car and pretend like everything’s fine, even though you know it was just a total shitshow. There’s this bit of shame or embarrassment that you forgot something, that you made a mistake.
As moms, there is a LOT coming at us - appointments, kids’ activities, assignments, shopping lists, to-dos, and all the expectations that come with them.
In the digital age of parenting, information comes at you constantly from a ton of different sources. You’re getting emails (maybe from multiple schools), notifications from WhatsApp or other group messaging apps, text messages, and trying to keep it all straight. And because people are so connected, plans can be changed very quickly (and often!).
It’s easy to look around and think that something’s wrong with you because you can’t seem to hold it all together. But it’s not just you. You’re not going crazy, and you’re not just a hot mess.
Motherhood is overwhelming. Information keeps coming at us, faster than we can process it. And we put so much pressure on ourselves to get it all right, all the time (aka perfectionism).
In case you aren’t familiar with the term mental load, it’s basically that ticker tape that’s constantly running through your head. It’s all the schedules, to-do lists, the things that everybody needs. The “what’s next?” that never seems to end. You’re carrying all the things that keep your family running inside your own brain.
Jessica shares that, according to research, moms typically carry 90% more of this mental load than their male partners. It takes its toll, leading to stress, anxiety, depression, and burnout.
And it affects our relationships, too. You can’t be truly present with your kids, partner, or friends when your brain is constantly working. It’s like you can never turn it off and recharge. Plus, when you’re feeling stressed and anxious, you’re more likely to snap at the people you love.
In short, you get dysregulated. You can’t find that calm, connected place.
As we talk about strategies to manage complex family life, keep in mind that a little grace and compassion for yourself goes a really long way, too.
While perfection is impossible, there are ways to be more proactive and organized, so that we feel a little less of that pressure, stress, and overwhelm.
Jessica and her sister, Amanda, created the Jam app to help with managing the mental load in a few ways:
Take...
