If you have a child between the ages of 1 and 5, today’s episode is for you. I’ve invited Devon Kuntzman onto the podcast to talk to us about transforming toddlerhood. She is a toddler parenting expert who is on a mission to transform the myth that toddlerhood is terrible.
You’ll Learn:
Today, Devon is sharing practical strategies to meet your toddler’s basic developmental and sensory needs, as well as ways to teach them skills to get their needs met and cope with frustration.
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Devon Kuntzman is a wife, mama and the original toddler parenting expert on Instagram. She says she is so passionate about this age group because, “we know that the first five years really set the foundation for the rest of a child's life in terms of their brain development and emotional regulation.”
As a certified coach with a degree in psychology, she helps thousands of families each year through courses, workshops, and the annual Transforming Toddlerhood Conference. Her community of 1 million parents and caregivers is committed to transforming their parenting, their toddler’s behavior, and their overall experience of toddlerhood while creating a relationship with their child that lasts a lifetime.
One of my first questions for Devon was how she defines a toddler. I often think of toddlers as being separate from preschoolers, but Devon explains that she groups them together (ages 1-5) because they are all struggling with a lot of the same things. She says, “They still have very immature brains. They're lacking their impulse control skills, emotional regulation skills.”
I think of toddlers’ decision making as, “if it feels good, do it.” It’s an emotional process for them. They aren’t really able to think things through and access executive function until around age 6.
Devon does split them into younger toddlers (ages 1 & 2) and older toddlers (ages 3-5), largely based on expressive language skills and their ability to communicate their feelings and needs.
Putting preschoolers into their own category, Devon says, can be confusing if we think that they should no longer be having the same behavioral challenges as toddlers. The truth is, it is still completely developmentally appropriate for them to struggle.
When it comes to toddler behavior, Devon likes to talk about “decoding” behavior. She says, “If we don't understand what's happening with the behavior, then it's going to be really challenging to know how to respond.” I think this is certainly true for all ages.
The concept of decoding reminds us that there are layers that we need to peel back in order to really understand what’s going on. It requires us to get curious about the root of a child’s behavior.
As you’ve heard me say a million times, the root of any behavior is emotion. A feeling that they are trying to communicate or cope with. They may also be trying to communicate a need, whether it’s a basic need like food or sleep, a sensory need, or a need to feel connection and affection.
Devon says that impulse control is a common challenge for toddlers. Some behaviors that come along with this are spitting, wanting to grab things off the shelf at the grocery store, or taking off chasing a cat or a bird down the street. These behaviors are very reactionary. There is no thinking about safety, impact, or the future.
Some developmental needs of toddlers include...
