RELATIONSHIP RECOVERY…
Today’s episode is a listener inspired episode. A Guy named Christopher from Wisconsin went to the web site and wrote to me, he asked a question about recovering relationships…or repairing them.
In the case Chris wrote about he was estranged from his father, sounds like due to a marital breakup and his dads military service which made him absent much of the time. They got back together for three years when Chris was a teenager and then they separated again when he was 16…and have not spoken since.
First of all, thank you Chris for writing to me about this and asking what the right course of action in this situation is. Sadly…lots of people out there are in similar situations. Christopher’s last sentence in his letter is spot on; he said
“I don’t want to lose him because I was too bullheaded to reach out”.
In a way Chris answered his own question with that one sentence.
There are so many children and fathers that have had their relationship interrupted by divorce, by work, and by the court systems, it’s a huge problem.
Many times, like in Chris’ case, boy’s get reunited with their father in their teens for various reasons. He said his father did help him out and taught him some great stuff but it sounds like their relationship was strained and difficult. Which is kind of natural and normal after being apart for so long.
Look, Dad’s are people too. They have feelings and heartaches and they make huge mistakes sometimes. Some dads are more mature and rational than other dads are. Being human, some dad’s are better able to foster a relationship with their children than other dads.
Life was not designed to be fair, and regardless of your particular situation you have to play the cards you were dealt to the best of your ability regardless of what anyone else is doing. I believe that’s one of your obligations as a man.
You guys listening to this might even become a dad in this situation, or you might already be in a similar situation. No two situations are identical either…they all have different elements, personalities, and difficulties. Every family situation is unique.
However, there are some things that are the same regardless of what your circumstance is. One of those things is the importance of family.
There are a lot of guys like Chris’ dad who will not make the first move. Some of them are being ran by guilt, they feel like they failed as a father and don’t deserve a second chance. Some of them might feel like so much time has passed…there isn’t any hope and their kids are better off without them, still other fathers might be afraid of anger and rejection from their children.
