Episode4: Let's Talk About Sexual Shame
Explicit
What is Sexual Shame?
“Sexual shame refers to the feeling of profound responsibility and deep remorse associated with participation in and/or thoughts and fantasies about sexual activity.” - Dr. Kelifern Pomeranz, Psy.D., CST (Clinical Psychologist, Certified Sex Therapist, Coach, and Relationship Expert)
"A high level of sexual shame can place an individual at risk for sexual dysfunction, impaired relationships, and sexual acting out.” - Dr. Kelifern Pomeranz
https://www.drpomeranz.com/sexual-shame
What do people feel shame about?
- Body acceptance
- Pleasure
- Intimacy
- Desire
- Lust
- Intercourse
- Masturbation
- Orgasm
- Arousal
- Felling Sexy
Where does it come from?
- Religion
- Sex only in marriage
- Only for procreation in some cases
- Pleasure is not a reason in itself
- Sinful
- Conversion Therapy
- Family
- Reaction to child masturbation
- How sex was talked about in the home
- Values/morals
- Society/Culture
- school sex education (sex positive vs abstinence)
- Nursing in public
- The Media
- Idealized versions of sex
- Slut shaming
- Social media constantly blocking posts including words like sex, erotic, vulva….
- Trauma
- Sexual abuse
- Rape or attempted rape
Why do sex and shame often go together?
- Sex historically has been connected to value and virtue
- Patriarchal
- Virginity/Purity is equated with value
- Men as a conquest
- Women have been taught that their sexuality should be hidden
- Slut-shaming vs conquest
- Modesty - women are often taught that they are responsible for the thoughts and actions of men
- Sexual deviance was often considered a mental health disorder
- Sexual identity
- Gender identity
- Religious Control
- It’s the one thing that most people universally desire and therefore need to keep coming back for forgiveness or conform
- Make it sinful and shameful
- Make pleasure selfish and sinful
How does it affect us?
- I clearly remember that when I got married, my husband tried to call me “sexy” and I was so uncomfortable with that term
- I didn’t want to be seen as a sex object
- It aided to shut down an erotic side of our relationship
- We end up struggling to talk about sex
- It’s bad
- We don’t enjoy it
- We have an aversion to...
