Opening song downloaded in 2006 as podsafe music: David Acton's "The Prodigal" DISCLAIMER This bonus episode of CraftLit likely belongs at the end of Herland, but since the inciting incidents didn't occur for several years, I'm putting it here, but with a warning - language and subject matter are NOT what you will find in the other 475± episodes of CraftLit. This is NOT an episode to have a first-listen with your kids in the car. To that end, I am well aware that there will be parts of this episode that will anger you. If you've listened to CraftLit for awhile you'll know that I often hold information or comments for the end—it's the theater side of me, wanting to book-end these essays so that they are dramatically and structurally consistent. But I'd be an idiot if I didn't know you would have responses while you listen. I encourage you to use the recording app on your phone and switch back and forth between listening and responding so you have your thoughts in order. Then, when you're done, you have the choice to send me the complete file at Heather@CraftLit.com OR you can call our listener line at 1-206-350-1642 and speak your mind. And, finally, You might be expecting me to deal with this topic through the lens of classic literature. With one exception, that will not happen in this episode. This is personal. This is nothing more than my thoughts—a culmination of 31 years of my experiences and thoughts—on this topic. We have faced many characters in complicated relationships where we in the modern world have very different responses regarding issues of consent. Byronic Heroes are not unknown to us. However, you may wish to hunt down the post by David Wong at (of all places) Cracked.com called Consent: 7 reasons why guys don't understand it. It's both funny and upset-stomach-inducing—and written by a guy for whom I'd like to buy a drink if he's ever in Eastern PA. 3:10 Before I begin, there is a transcription of this over at CraftLit.com/476. Included there are links out to everything I mention that is link-to-able. 3:51 Hello, The number of times I've been compelled to do something like this could be counted on a hand inside a very nicely knitted mitten, but Ehren Zigler started it, and comment threads I've been reading have pushed me to try—at least for we sane people—to end it. To begin at the beginning, my husband pointed out a month-or-so ago that every woman he knew had put a #MeToo hashtag on their feed. Sadly, none surprised him. However, he asked why I hadn't. I was the only one he knew of who could have but didn't. And I didn't. 4:30 I mentioned–very briefly–my past a few years back on CraftLit and I left it there. For a long time it had defined part of me, but then I got married, then I had a son, then I was teaching HS the day we were evacuated from the tip of an island off the coast of North America when a plane tried to drop a building on us, then I had another son, then I became a podcaster, an author, a speaker—I outgrew simple definitions. There is nothing simple about the conversation that is swirling around us right now—and I say that as both a #MeToo and as a mother of young men. The mother of some rather justifiably nervous young men. 5:15 When I was teaching HS in NYC I learned something very important that I need to share with you: I knew nothing about being white. I mean, yes, if you've heard "Stupid Shit White People Say" you've probably laughed–just like me. Ha Ha. I get it. What I mean is I knew nothing about what being white looks like to anyone who isn't. You might remember the spectacularly biting SNL clip of Eddie Murphy's "White Like Me" complete with what happens in the white world when anyone of color leaves the room. It's hilarious. And it's not. One of the most revealing conversations I ever had was with a class of recidivist freshmen. These 20 kids were massively in the minority at our very-college-focused NYC Public School. This was not their first time in Freshman English. It might have been their third or fourth, to be honest. Trying to figure out how to get them to want to strengthen their skills was more difficult than any teaching job I've had before or since and I probably failed to help at least half of them. But they sure taught me. I was particularly lucky because my students had learned that they could trust me—at least it seemed to believe they could. I sure hoped they could. This was well into my time in NYC and it was also at the height of the people-getting-jumped-for-their-Air-Jordan's scare and we'd been working our way through annotating a NYTimes article on the topic in preparation for them to practice writing formal letters, like they might have to write to a landlord someday, only we were using a letter to the editor of the paper as a practice run. As we annotated copies and separated fact from opinion (and noted where we'd need more facts to support our claims) one boy made a comment about how there was nothing wrong with jumping someone for their shoes—as long as that someone was white. As the only white person in the room at the time, I asked for clarification. Near as I can recall the conversation went something like this: Me: Wait, what? Student: Well, you know, Miss. I mean, it's mad wrong for me to jump someone like… Tyrik here (laughter) because I know it's not like he can just, you know, go out and buy new Jordans. ("awwwwww"s) Me: Okaaaayyy… Student: But…you know, Miss. If you need a new pair, you'll get a new pair. Me: Wait. Are you telling me that I should be able to buy a new pair of Jordan's because I'm white? (Laughter) Student: (clearly baffled by my response and the laughter) Um…yeah… Me: George, how much money do you think I make??? Student: (still baffled) I don't know…like…white people money? Me: (laughing) That's an income classification? Student: (backpedaling) You know, Miss? Right? Like, you make enough. You can, you know, buy…stuff you want. Me: George, I'm a teacher. We don't get rich being teachers. We get promised decent health care, and retirement, in exchange for not getting rich—almost enough to pay rent and eat. I'm not rich. Seriously. These shoes I got at Payless. I went on to break down how much I brought home every two weeks and what my monthly expenses were. My disposable money at the end of the month was about $30. The rustling in the room got louder as we worked our way towards that fact—a fact that the students brought up again and again in class when people made assumptions or worked off of stereotypes. 9:20 As different as my life was from George's view of All White Folks—his understanding of the differences of how white folks live from the people he grew up with in his neighborhood wasn't that far off. Things I saw our students do that I—at first—thought were SO self-defeating, so working against their best interests — were, often as not, learned survival skills. We had a whole cross section of girls who got to school late every day. Same amount of late Every Day. Why? Their moms and dads both worked, often more than one job and frequently in overlapping shifts which meant one adult was still on the way home from a late shift on public transit early in the morning when the other was leaving for an early shift. But there's a baby. Baby has to go to daycare. Affordable daycare starts at the same time as school. Solution? The oldest daughter is responsible and she'll be able to make up the work she misses at her school. Have her take the baby to daycare then go to school. Someone else will pick the baby up so the oldest daughter can stay late and get help, library access, or just a quiet place to study. Win-win. But it took several years for me to learn that. All the kids knew how it worked. One girl was shocked I'd needed to ask her, because duh, of course that's what was going on. Opening the door and coming into class late wasn't anything she needed to apologize or make excuses for, because it was just so obvious. Except it wasn't. To me. Just like I thought Damany's audio essay couple of years ago about the shootings in Dallas wasn't obvious. 11:18 Just like what Louis CK revealed in his public statement published in the NYT about the charges of sexual misconduct about him. H is thoughts weren't obvious either. It's not about race. It's not about beauty. It's not about sex. It's not necessarily about gender. It is all about power. 11:49 And even people with power never feel like they are the one in power. There's always someone richer, better, stronger, meaner, more ruthless, more threatening, better looking than they are. So if you try to have the conversation with them as though they've got more power than you they'll just "what about THAT person" and blow off everything you say. John Oliver did a lovely piece on "WhatAboutIsm" - which is also known as the tu quoque logical fallacy. Back to Louis CK. 12:40 I don't know if, in the maelstrom of sexual predator reveals you read or heard his whole statement, but you should know what he said. All of it. Because I think it should be the gold standard by which we judge responses to this issue. Allow me to give you a smidgen of context for why I believe that. 13:00 In a nutshell, Louis CK struggled on his way up as a standup comedian. A lot. He and Mark Maron have spoken about their enemyship and their friendship and how the difficulties they encountered paralleled each other but how they ultimately found success—albeit in relatively different areas. I guarantee you, if a female comedian heard me say that she would have snorted. Quadruple that snort if she's a female comedian of color. Because…seriously. It's just so obvious. Sidestepping that rabbit hole for a moment and going back to Louis CK—it's important to know that Louis CK - like George Clooney and Samuel L Jackson have famously said – Louis CK didn't have success handed to him on a silver platter when they were young. He ate his share of cup-o-noodles and did a fair bit of couch surfing is what I'm...
