Do you ever replay conversations with your parents, mentally counting all the times they mentioned your sibling versus you? Or felt that hot flush of resentment when your brother gets praised for doing what you've been doing faithfully for years?
This week at Crowd Church, Mike Harris—one of five siblings himself—explored sibling relationships through one of Jesus' most famous stories. But instead of focusing on the wayward younger brother, Mike zeroed in on the older brother: the faithful one, the reliable one, the one who did everything right... and still felt invisible.
In this honest conversation, Mike unpacks the toxic dynamics of favouritism, the exhaustion of being the responsible sibling, and what happens when comparison steals your joy. Through biblical sibling rivalries that go spectacularly wrong (Cain and Abel, Joseph, Jacob and Esau), he reveals how God doesn't airbrush family dysfunction but engages with it honestly.
Journey with us through:
Mike reads the older brother's bitter complaint when he discovers his wayward brother is getting a party:
Look, all these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him.
What we discover:
Key takeaway: The older brother isn't irrational—he's been faithful, reliable, obedient. Yet his brother gets celebrated whilst his loyalty goes unremarked.
The father's response reveals something the older brother couldn't see:
My son, you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.
Mike unpacks this powerful truth:
Everything the father has belongs to the older brother. He's always been there. He's always had access to everything. He's got intimacy with his father. He's got the relationship. But he can't see it because he's too busy looking at what his brother's getting.
What this means:
Key takeaway: When we're too busy watching what others receive, we miss what we already freely have.
Several people shared their experiences with sibling rivalry and reconciliation.
Mike's honest response: "It's really hard." But he pointed to recognising our true identity as children of the King, co-heirs with Christ. When we understand our position in God's family, it alters how we view earthly family dynamics.
We have to humble ourselves. We have to say, 'Actually, I'm going to forgive.' Even if they haven't asked for...
