In this heart–forward episode, Andrew shares the shoulder injury that forced him to stop, sit still, and confront a lifelong belief that his worth equals his usefulness. Cat opens up about what it’s like to love a helper who suddenly needs help—and how “failing” often just means you’re in a season of healing, not a verdict on who you are.
Expect reframes, gentle tactics for the “I’m behind” spiral, and a reminder that asking for help is a gift you give other people, too.
Key takeaways
- Worth ≠ productivity. North American culture often ties identity to output; this season invites you to uncouple the two.
- Asking for help is pro-connection, not weak. You let loved ones feel useful and deepen bonds when you receive.
- Reframe “failure” as a phase. Rest, rehab, and regrouping are progress—just a different speed.
- Contrast creates clarity. Hard seasons sharpen gratitude and reveal what really matters.
- Interrupt the spiral. When “I’m failing” hits, use a simple, external plan to change state (temperature, movement, environment).
Practical tools you can use today
- The 3-step spiral interrupter
- Tend the body: pain meds/tea/ice or heat, shower, fresh air.
- Change state: 30-minute recharge alone, short comedy clip, music, or a brisk walk.
- Micro-plan: one tiny win (email, stretch, refill water), then reassess.
- Ask like a giver: “Could you help me with X?” → remember you’re offering someone the gift of helping.
- Reverse-compare: stop looking only ahead; look back at how far you’ve come.
- Temperature hack: cold pack to neck/face or warm shower to reset your nervous system.
- 10–10 List: write 10 things you did do today + 10 things you’re grateful for (including your body doing basics).
- Best-friend filter: Would you say that harsh thought to your favorite person? If not, rephrase it with kindness.
Try this (5-minute prompt)
Write a note to yourself that starts:
“I’m not failing—I’m healing. If a friend were in my exact spot, I’d tell them…”
Finish the sentence. Read it out loud.
Resources mentioned & related
- Feelings Wheel – pinpoint what you’re actually feeling to respond better.
- Self-Compassion (Kristin Neff) – simple practices to treat yourself like a friend.
- Open Path Collective – affordable therapy options.
- The Wealthy Barber – a gentle, story-driven intro to money basics (ties into our recent money series).
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Memorable lines
- “Slowing down doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re healing what needs care.”
- “Asking for help is a gift. You’re letting someone you love feel useful.”
- “You’re not behind; you’re in a different chapter.”
- “Look back for proof, not just forward for gaps.”
Glimmers (the little sparkly things)
- Andrew: The unexpected closeness with his dad & being cared for by his people.
- Cat: A full, memorable summer with the kids—and the flexibility to be there for family (and for Andrew).
If you’re...
