Episode Summary
We ask one question to every man who sits down with us: What is the biggest problem men are facing today?
For Chris — young adults pastor, filmmaker, and man of faith — the answer was precise: Commitment paralysis. Too many options. Not enough formation. And a generation of men who were shaped by culture, media, and social media into believing that the next option is always better than the one in front of them — in relationships, in work, and in life.
What follows is one of the most practically honest and spiritually grounded conversations We Take the Stairs has had. Chris doesn't just name the problem. He lived it — from a porn addiction he wasn't aware was affecting him, to a subconscious belief that staying young and keeping options open was the smart play. He talks through what it costs men, what's causing it, and the only foundation that actually produces the commitment men were designed to walk in.
Guest Chris Kish — Young adults pastor at Family Church, filmmaker, and man of faith based in South Florida. Chris works daily with men and women ages 22–39 navigating the exact issues discussed in this episode — and is three months away from marrying his fiancée Christy.
Chapters
- 00:00 — The One Question: Commitment Paralysis
- 02:00 — Too Many Options, Not Enough Formation
- 06:00 — The Subconscious Shaping: Music, TV & Staying Young Forever
- 10:00 — Porn, Paralysis & the Connection Nobody Names
- 17:00 — The Chair Story: Discipline Only Where You Care
- 28:00 — Dating Apps & the Sea of Options Killing Commitment
- 39:00 — The Funeral and the Coronation: How to Actually Change
- 50:00 — Church Hurt, Attribution & the Character of God
- 01:03:00 — The Fatherless Generation: Why Satan Is Ramping Up
- 01:13:00 — Rapid Fire & We Takes
Key Topics Covered
- Commitment Paralysis — Chris's core answer: men today face too many options and not enough helpful formation. The result is a generation stuck in indecision — unable to choose a job, a city, a relationship, or a future. Not because they're lazy, but because they were shaped this way without knowing it.
- The Subconscious Shaping of a Generation — From Friends to Jay-Z to homecoming playlists, the message men absorbed growing up was clear: stay young, keep your options open, and the guy with the most freedom wins. No one said it directly. But it played on repeat until it became the default.
- Porn, Options & the Connection Nobody Names — One of the most candid moments of the episode. Rachael connects the dots between commitment paralysis and pornography addiction — if men are given every external pressure imaginable and then handed one easy, no-consequence outlet, the math isn't hard. Chris opens up about his own past with porn addiction and how he wasn't even aware it was affecting him.
- Discipline Only Where You Care — Chris tells the story of a college job setting up chapel chairs. He was fast and excellent at things he cared about — and visibly checked out on everything else. His friend called it out: you look lazy and apathetic when you don't care. Chris makes the case that men are all-in when they're passionate — but culture has broken the pipeline between discipline and desire.
- Dating Apps & the Infinite Sea — Hinge, Tinder, Instagram DMs, Facebook Dating. Chris breaks down precisely how swiping left and right trained men's brains to make snap judgments in two seconds — and how that habit bleeds into every real relationship when it's time to actually commit. You end up constructing a perfect person in your mind from the best parts of everyone you've seen — and no one real will ever match that.
- The Coronation and the Funeral — The most spiritually direct moment of the episode. Chris's answer for men who want to break the cycle — believer or not: every morning you need a coronation and a funeral. You crown Christ as king and you die to yourself. That's the only foundation that produces real commitment, because it removes you from the center.
- Church Hurt & the Character of God — A compassionate and direct response to men who've been burned by religious institutions and blamed God for it. Chris names it clearly: that's attributing human characteristics to God. God's character hasn't changed. His kindness is still leading you to repentance — even now.
- The Fatherless Generation — Chris frames the epidemic of absent fathers not as a sociological trend but as a spiritual battle. Satan knows every day that passes gets one day closer to Jesus coming back. So he's ramping up the attack on God's design for family, marriage, and fatherhood. The answer isn't a program. It's the gospel.
Scriptures Referenced
- Matthew 6:33 — Seek first the kingdom of God
- Romans 7 — The things I don't want to do, I do
- 1 Corinthians 16:13 — Be watchful, stand firm, act like men, be strong
- 2 Corinthians 5:17-21 — Ministry of reconciliation, ambassador for Christ
Books Referenced 📖 The Bait of Satan — John Bevere Jackson references this during the episode — offense as the biggest thing standing between a man and God, and how it compounds commitment problems.
Key Quotes
"The biggest problem men face today is commitment paralysis — too many options and not enough helpful formation." — Chris
"I was not aware the options were affecting me. That's the scariest part." — Chris
"Every day when you wake up, you need a coronation and a funeral — crown Christ as king and die to yourself." — Chris
"The biggest lie men believe is that they have to figure everything out on their own. You are not alone." — Chris
"If I make this decision and it's the wrong one — God's not surprised. He's sovereign. You just take the next right step." — Chris
"If men are given every pressure imaginable and then handed one easy, no-consequence outlet — how can we expect them not to be attracted to it?" — Rachael
"Be watchful. Stand firm in the faith. Act like men. Be strong. Let all that you do be done in love." — 1 Corinthians 16:13
Practical Takeaways
- Start each morning with a coronation and a funeral — crown Christ, die to yourself
- Audit your inputs — if you're scrolling options daily, your brain is being trained to never commit
- Find one person who can sit with you and ask the right questions — you were not made to figure this out alone
