As a warning, this episode might be triggering. Also, as a disclaimer, this episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Got it? Awesome.
Gaslighting comes from the 1938 play Gas Light by British playwright Patrick Hamilton. In the story, a husband manipulates his vulnerable wife into thinking she’s losing her mind. He secretly dims the gas lights in their home, and when she notices and questions it, he insists that she's imagining it. This deceit makes her doubt her perceptions and reality.
The play became widely known after it was adapted into two films in the 1940s, especially the 1944 version starring Ingrid Bergman. Since then, "gaslighting" has come to describe any form of psychological manipulation.
Psychological manipulation occurs when someone tries to control or influence how you think, feel, or act without you noticing. Gaslighters question events, behaviours, and words you say and invalidate or deny your emotions.
They do this to get what they want, even if it’s not good for you. The manipulator uses tricks to make you feel confused, guilty, or unsure of yourself, so you go along with what they want. These manipulations are not one-time events but happen numerous times within a relationship over a long period. Eventually, the gaslighted person doubts their experiences and judgements and questions their memory.
In simpler terms, gaslighting is when someone chooses to control or have power over a person, which happens over an extended period. The strategies of abuse are deflection from their behaviours to yours, denial, withholding - the silent treatment, dismissing, lying and questioning the victim’s memory.
Ultimate phrases of a gaslighter are; “I’m just kidding,” You’re too sensitive,” and “Can’t you take a joke.” Gaslighting doesn’t just make you question the event itself. It makes you question everything.
According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, gaslighting is a complex process that happens over time. Here are the steps:
Step 1. The person gaslighting you takes
