In this episode of "Make More Love," we explore the various states of relationship health through the lens of the DIVCON scale, inspired by the DEFCON levels used by the United States Army. Ellen Dorian breaks down each level, from DIVCON 5 (stable and normal) to DIVCON 1 (almost the point of no return), and provides practical tips and strategies for each stage. Whether your relationship needs a bit of excitement or a full reset, this episode will help you understand where you stand and how to move forward.
Part 1: Inspiration for this episode
- Relationships go through many stages and are rarely a straight line.
- Different episodes focus on different levels of relationship health, from bringing back fun and passion to tackling serious problems.
- Introduction to the DEFCON levels and how they inspired the DIVCON scale for relationships.
- Detailed explanation of each DIVCON level with practical tips for addressing issues at each stage.
Part 2 DIVCON Levels and Practical Tips:
DIVCON 5: Stable and Normal
- Description: Everyday life feels stable and normal. You've reached the passion level on the relationship hierarchy of needs.
- Practical Tips:
- Make Date Night Special: Plan and set dates in advance to break the routine.
- Try New Things: Keep the excitement alive with new activities together.
- Connect Daily: Make a conscious effort to connect every day for at least 10 minutes.
Recommended Episodes:
- Episode 7: Master Date Nights
- Episode 10: Adventures to Deepen Your Relationship
DIVCON 4: Increased Concern Needing Awareness
- Description: Relationship feels more like roommates than lovers. It's routine and lacks passion.
- Practical Tips:
- Nip This in the Bud: Halt the slide and make a commitment to change.
- Practice Gratitude: Acknowledge something you appreciate about your partner daily.
- Communicate Daily: Increase efforts to communicate regularly and meaningfully.
Recommended Episodes:
- Episode 5: Why Work-Life Balance Won't Protect Your Relationship
- Episode 6: Power Up Your Relationship Energy
DIVCON 3: Heightened Risk
- Description: Relationship is breaking down slowly. Everything feels stagnant.
- Practical Tips:
- Deep Introspection: Identify and change behaviors contributing to stagnation.
- Deep Conversation: Have an honest conversation with your partner about reconnecting.
- Create a Deliberate Plan for Shared Activities: Start doing things together and minimize separate social activities.
Recommended Episodes:
- Episode 3: Why You Should Keep Working on Your Relationship
- Episode 11: Toxic Words
Part 3: Advanced DIVCON Levels and Conclusion
DIVCON 2: Imminent Risk of Divorce
- Description: Relationship is a cold war with quiet hostility and deep resentments.
- Practical Tips:
- Assess Your Willingness: Determine if you're willing to do the work to repair the relationship.
- Seek Professional Help: Get support from a coach or therapist for both individual and couples work.
- Discern Issues: Understand where the relationship is going off track by gaining deeper...
