The other day, I saw a post on LinkedIn by Wes Kao the co-Founder of the Maven learning platform. Her post was a synopsis of an issue of her newsletter that really resonated with me (Link https://newsletter.weskao.com/p/the-unspoken-skill-of-finesse). It was on the topic of Finesse in Communications. You could also think of it as communicating like a leader.
In Wes' article, there was a situation where a customer had asked about the limits of a software system. Several people were in a chat thread formulating a response. The first person offered a factual number based on the highest limit observed in the system. The second person clarified the limit with a lower number that had shown acceptable performance plus a plan to increase the performance for a higher limit. The third person took the response from the second person and reframed it to have less of a negative connotation but still convey the same results.
Finesse is the ability to refine your message based on understanding the situation and the desired outcomes it is the ability to use good judgement in delicate situations. None of the responses were wrong per se, but the first answer could have led to disappointment by the customer if they approached the technical limit and experienced the performance degradations. The second answer provided additional context around the limits but may have caused the customer to look elsewhere for a solution that didn't have those limits. The final answer with a more positive message invited the customer to be optimistic about the solution being able to scale to meet their needs.
For some, the ability to have finesse in their communications may come naturally. But for others, like any skill, you can improve your abilities with focus and practice. The more you practice, the easier it will be to know when to apply finesse and the more likely it will come to you without consciously thinking about it.
First, you need to recognize when situations require finesse to handle. As you start practicing, look for situations where the outcome is not well defined or where there are people involved that you don't regularly interact with. That isn't to say that other situations would not benefit from nuance and finesse, but when you are learning the skill, the situations with the most uncertainty will be the ones most obvious to you that using finesse will be appropriate to lead to a positive result.
Once you have identified a situation to practice your skills, think about your desired outcome and what aspects have the least clarity. When you discuss them with others, pay attention to how the other people react to what you say and how you say it. You aren't just looking for surface level reactions such as responding verbally -- whether in agreement or to counter your points. Look at those micro-reactions such as that fleeting expression when your point hits home...
