In this transformative episode of Owning Pleasure as a Black Woman, I tackle the impossible double bind that keeps high-achieving women trapped between exhaustion and guilt.
You know you need rest, but every time you try to prioritize yourself, that familiar voice whispers "you're being selfish." I break down why self-care feels like betrayal, how rest became rebellion, and most importantly—how to finally give yourself permission to matter without the emotional hangover.
Discover the historical roots of why rest feels dangerous, learn to distinguish between self-care and selfishness, and get practical tools to break the martyrdom cycle that's keeping you exhausted and resentful.
Key Takeaways:
- The Double Bind Exposed: You're expected to be infinitely giving but never needy—a setup that keeps you trapped between exhaustion and guilt. This impossible standard is rooted in cultural myths that Black women are naturally stronger and need less, making self-care feel indulgent rather than essential.
- Rest as Revolution: Your choice to rest is actually an act of reclaiming autonomy that may trigger your nervous system because historically, your ancestors' rest was controlled by others. When you rest without "earning" it, you're breaking generational patterns of exploitation.
- Self-Preservation, Not Selfishness: Self-care isn't about bubble baths and face masks—it's about sustainable living. When you take care of yourself, you model healthy boundaries and give from overflow instead of depletion, which actually serves everyone around you better.
Episode Challenge: The "Rest Without Guilt" Practice
Step 1: Choose one form of rest that currently triggers guilt (saying no to unwanted plans, taking an "unearned" nap, not checking work emails after hours).
Step 2: Write yourself a literal permission slip: "I, [your name], give myself permission to [rest activity] without guilt because my wellbeing matters and this choice serves my highest good and the people I love."
Step 3: When guilt shows up, ask yourself:
- Am I confusing self-care with selfishness because I've been taught my needs don't matter?
- What would I tell my daughter/best friend if she felt guilty about this same choice?
- How does my exhaustion actually serve the people I love?
Step 4: Rest anyway. Let the guilt be there without letting it run the show.
Listen Now:
Ready to break free from the double bind that keeps you trapped between exhaustion and guilt? Hit play to discover how self-care becomes self-preservation and why your rest is revolutionary!
Links Mentioned:
- Join Our Email List - Get Your 7-Day Self-Care Reset: Be the first to know about upcoming episodes and transform your relationship with self-care and guilt. Sign up at www.javerywellness.com/reset
- Ready to Get Started?: If you're ready for deeper support in breaking these patterns, begin your journey with us at www.javerywellness.com/get-started.
Connect with Us:
- Instagram: @natasha_is_satisfied
- Facebook: @NatashaChentille
- YouTube: @NatashaChentille
- Website: www.javerywellness.com
