The inner ego is important.
The outer ego causes issues.
Arrogance is visible and perceived. This is outer ego showing itself.
In a corporate setting, people with strong inner strength and belief in themselves, can collaborate well, but often say less in meetings. This quietness usually comes across as lack of confidence. It becomes a matter of how you express yourself and stay true to yourself and not, in your own mind, appear arrogant.
Speaking from a coaching perspective there have been situations where it has been necessary to bring the inner ego out in a way that the individual is still comfortable but are heard more constructively.
This is best done by using a series of ‘just asking’ questions which stimulates. or gets a message. or makes a point or adds on from what someone is saying. It builds up on the conversation with the person by adding one's own bit through recognizing the other person's contribution.
How do we see ego, and do we understand ego?
Ego comes back to --'what do I believe about myself'. Some may have a balanced point of view about themselves which leads to them thinking that everyone else has a point of view too. So, they accept everyone else's views as a valid perspective and share or say from that perspective. This is a representation of a cumulative set of views.
Where does this behaviour come from?
Is it from the fact that these people are really very balanced and have a strong sense of self or is it more of a stepping back because one does not want to interfere with another's point of view and lacks confidence?
It could be both.
People who have a strong sense of self-belief do not always offer a point of view which is often because they don’t play the sometimes power that occur in a corporate meeting scenario. By offering an opinion or view they see themselves as getting themselves into playing games. So, in such a situation, its key to be able to reach out and convince such people that their opinion is valuable and to encourage them to offer it.
But isn't that ego too?
It’s the inner ego that leads people to be comfortable with themselves, have confidence and see weaknesses in other people. But a key difference is that they don't play on those weaknesses or use them against the person.
In the corporate world one has to contribute and add value. People with a balance self-belief usually have a lot to offer. In coaching such individuals, the goal is to get them to release that value, in team discussion for example, and contribute without seeing it as grandstanding. How you do that is by getting them to say that their opinion is valuable, and the team is waiting to hear it.
One has to step out in the unknown a little bit and contribute without thinking too much about that being like showing-off. It's a matter of telling yourself that you're contributing and adding value, not so much assessing yourself as someone whose contributing but like to let everyone know that they are. The way to encourage them to do it is by building on other people's discussion and asking intelligent questions.
So yes ego is important when it comes from within.
